it’s bridezilla season…

It’s that time of year again…

The birds are a chirpin, sun is a shinin, skin is a showin and brides are a b-tchin. Yessir- Wedding season. The one time where your favorite homegirl gets a day pass (or 6 month unlimited…however long it takes for her to plan the ‘event of her life’) for acting like a crazy, self absorbed, self righteous, irrational…biiii lady. What is it about weddings that make good friends gone bad?  According to some scientific study from some really smart educated guys, Marriage is the 7th most stressful event that can occur in your life. To put that in perspective, it is rated above pregnancy, being fired and sex difficulties. Which brings to mind another question sure to be addressed in a UBF posting for another day: Why do people get married again?

But as usual, I digress. According to our good friends at Wikipedia (because let’s face it- they ARE the authority on everything. Just ask Google…) : “A bridezilla (a neologistic portmanteau of bride and Godzilla) is a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride. An article on Slate magazine[2] suggests that the clinical diagnosis of acquired situational narcissism may be appropriate for the condition. Accounts of Bridezillas have been reported from across the world and are to be found in numerous collections on the internet. ” Read more of this post

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knowing is half the battle…

in our continuous quest to quench your insatiable thirst for manformation, we’ve once again pointed that new knowledge firehose in your direction…we’ve devised today’s post to let you know exactly where you stand on this totem pole of love…er lust…er male-female interaction…the worst thing that can happen is that you misunderstand your location and start acting as if you have girl scout badges that you have yet to ascertain…so here is a cheat sheet to help you figure out how we probably should be interacting and whether or not you should be waiting for something more…

the jump off – this first phase is one that we actually suggest you skip if you have any desire to ever reach real relationship status…it will probably be fun for both parties…and by both parties i mean me and my desire to have unattached cinemax sessions…

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from the bottom of our hearts…

ladies…gather around…no…closer…yeah, that’s good…ahem…it has been brought to my attention that some of us have been acting up recently…and by recently i mean forever…i find it odd that you haven’t been able to see some of this stuff coming, given the history and all, but we won’t focus on that…so please pay close attention…we’re only going to do this once…unless it prompts more than 15 people to respond…then we’ll do it once a week because we’re working on becoming more full of ourselves…

so the reason i’ve called you all here today is to apologize once and for all for some of the silly ish we do…of course we’ve never done any of this ourselves…so given our clean records, we thought it best that we serve as the spokespersons for the group…so where to begin…ah yes…let’s start there…

we apologize for:

hovering…i paid good money for that drink you’re sipping but i’m still trying to figure out if i gave it to the right member of your crew…i was just sticking around until you all reassembled to make sure i made the right choice…so sip slowly…

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