met my match…nyc edition…

As I mentioned last week, good times were had recently in the city that never sleeps. It took me about a week to filter through them to identify which story would be a) worthy of a few hundred words b) not be able to be used against me in a court of law. One particular encounter that made it through this filter seemed to bubble to the top. So grab your favorite beverage…adult variety if you see fit…and let story time begin…

Before we jump in, don’t let the title fool you as I did not meet my match in the match.com manner but instead my match in terms of someone resilient to what we’ve affectionately come to call charm school. Now I’m not saying that everyone falls victim to my irresistible charms, as a few (maybe many as my memory is poor) have decided to opt out during the registration process. What made this particular interaction of note was that she didn’t ask to be excused from the class but instead grabbed the chalk and decided the course would be student lead…

As a bit of background, the group of homies found ourselves in a bar for an annual life celebration of a homiette…shouts to all the indecisive libras out there…It was a low key bar setup with music playing in the background while drinks were consumed at varying frequency levels. Those that know me can guesstimate that my levels were near the top of the leaderboards. During one of my every six minute scans of the surroundings, a certain young lady that seemed to be dolo at the bar caught my attention. She was dressed casually in a loose top and shorts that gave way to the kind of legs that looked good enough to be on a kfc menu. She was strikingly attractive with hints of multiple races that led me to thank my lucky starts for the end of segregation back in the day…

With target in sight, I was now left to determine an introduction strategy. Without hesitation, the jack daniels in my system offered up a few suggestions that now seem rather foolish but when left with no other realistic options I went with it. Realizing the likelihood of my opening being met with a smile and offer of government name or a wtf face and quick exit, I told the homie sdotkikko to take note of what was about to go down. Now please keep in mind my BAC was on its way to a majority share of my bloodstream. Taking note of a large costume jewelry ring on her right hand, I approached with “how many boxes of cereal did it take to get that.” Clever…I know…

Surprisingly not catching her off guard, she responded with “I actually got this from (insert some place I was unfamiliar with).” Unsure as to whether or not she was taking my inquiry seriously, I stated that it was in fact a joke told with the sole intention of speaking with her. Being the less sober one in this conversation, she shared that she was aware of this. There was more meaningless conversation back and forth that my memory is failing to remember but I’m assuming it was straight from charm school 101, 102 and 103. Of interesting note for those familiar with my dating escapades of yesteryear, her name was Jennifer and she was out celebrating her birthday which was the following tuesday…making her a libra. She then gathered that I’m an aries and shared that the only thing aries are good for is s…e…x…yes the plot thickens…

Being evidently familiar with the syllabi of beginning woo-ing courses, she asks for my age. I answer to which she responds “you are just a baby.” She then shares that she is 4 years my senior and therefore heard it all before. She ventures to say that she could even predict what I would say next. In response, I elevated her to the accelerated courses. She while not as familiar with those seemed to still have some bit of a recollection. As the power struggle for the conversation continued, she decides to change the venue to the dance floor. In hindsight, this was a miscalculated step on my part as I awarded her home court advantage. She proceeded to put it on me and my two step…props included…

In an attempt to gain my footing, I went the question route. Given her racially ambiguous look, I prefaced my inquiry about her ethnic ingredients with a “I’m sure you get asked this a lot but I’m still going to ask it.” To which she quickly responded, “No.” Given that I wasn’t asking a yes/no question, I was a bit taken aback and asked for clarification. She then informed me that, “No she is not a stripper.” Not necessarily what I was going to ask but good information to have in your back pocket I suppose…

A few missteps by the DJ and we found ourselves back at the bar. She then hit me with her own question…”What are you trying to get out of this?” Her bluntness left me pulling for mental straws as I was unprepared to answer. So my good friend, jack d, stepped in with his suggestion which apparently was detoured around the usual path of my brain then mouth and went straight into words leaving my lips…”to test your theory on aries.” Insert keyboard cat

She finished her drink and headed out the door to catch a cab sans me. While I was left going over the game notes, asking myself where and how charm school failed us (jack d and I)…

onetrik…without struggle there is no progress…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

2 Responses to met my match…nyc edition…

  1. Sou My says:

    First off, let me apologize for my hiatus and then let me commend you for your candidness and honesty in retelling this account. It’s a genius move no doubt. Your writing has always been entertaining but this story was extremely palpable (perhaps bc cyberspace assumed you were that guy who batted 1,000 – which might still be possible given my next few statements). ((btw, the genius that is the equation in the picture could be a post in it of itself and for sophmoric reasons only, I hope people don’t make short shrift of it))

    My thoughts about this story can be captured in the following bullets:
    – I love older (even slightly older) women – 4-5 yrs is an eternity
    – this line ” thank my lucky starts for the end of segregation back in the day…” was classic
    – this line ” yes the plot thickens…” has double entendre written all over it
    – You indeed gave up homecourt advantage (have I mentioned my love for older women yet, if not….I do) but you also had the opportunity to win away from home and I’m not sure you received an “L”. My experiences (from watching mostly, LOL) are that (and you know this) if a women wants to dance and commences to put it on a brotha, then in her mind, she has picked a winner. In one of my escapades, a lady informed me that when guys see a hot chick dancing with a guy on the dance floor they see both opportunity and attraction. They rarely see the other guy. However, when women see an attractive lad on the floor getting worked by a noticeably buxom and beautiful woman they see that lady marking her territory. Hence ol girl was feeling you and her abrupt departure may be bc she either wanted you to follow/take her; or she was ready for a relationship and was unsure about the (repeated) sincerity of your offer – basically we can test drive the theory as long as I’m the only one driving….ever. I’m not sure if during your conversation you revealed you were from another coast but I can almost guarantee that same chick was/has been looking for you at the same spot since you’ve been gone – cue Kelly Clarkson’s song…….now

  2. Sea Low Black says:

    What did she expect you to say when she asked that stupid ass question? I applaud your honesty, and b*tchslap her idiocy at the same time. Libras…

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