fancy please…

“You fancy huh? You fancy huh? You fancy huh?”

If so, please step to the front of the line.

Like it or not, Drake’s new album (officially) hit the stores last week. While hip hop’s newest wonderkid has received reviews ranging from “the most important and innovative new figure in hip-hop” all the way down to “C-list rapper,” I’m here to say I really don’t care. I’m not even good at musical chairs so I doubt my opinion on whether or not Drake’s art work lives up to the hype is of any matter to anyone out there.

However, I will say that one song stuck out to me as it put to music what I’ve grown accustomed to looking for in my mayor of boonopolis. In collaboration with T.I. and Swizz Beatz (sidenote: The eventual video will most definitely be shot in a dark club given the low levels of melanin featured in this collabo), Drake’s Fancy serves as a survey for potential Ms. OneTriks. Read more of this post

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i’m not intimidated…i’m afraid you’ll pee on me…

Elrock’s post reminded me of an experience with one of those scary females.

Before I start, this is not a joke. I only wish I could make something like this up.

On this lucky night, I was joined at the spot by elrock (I know surprise) and lil elrock (aka his sister). We were about 72% through our first drink when we were approached by a female who appeared to know elrock. After the standard introductory “Hey, Long time no talk, How are you?, I’m good.”, She then introduced herself to lil elrock and me.

(Akward situation entering stage left) Read more of this post

i’m not intimidated…i’m afraid…

intimidated by you…yeah right…i’m intimidated by kendrick perkins because he looks like he eats philipino babies for breakfast…i don’t know why i chose philipino but there you go worrying about the wrong thing again…back to the matter at hand…no you don’t intimidate me because you’re confident or because you make more money than i do…that stuff is actually impressive to me…but, you do scare me…and that’s different…
it’s probably the way you look at me like i’m the last piece of sweet potato pie…or how you keep dialing my number like i’m giving away new edition concert tickets to the 92nd caller…and quite possibly how you top it all off by throwing me the love pouch like it’s a ninja star…and i, of course dodge it as such…these things are flattering but you might’ve noticed that they rarely work…unless i’ve been drinking…and it’s not because i don’t notice…if anything, i “over-notice”…i keep my eyes on you like a cracked out family member…even my boys watch out for you in hopes of avoiding another uber amiable ambush…

to be clear…when we’re interested in you, we don’t need to be overloaded with a bevy of hints and signals…if we’re really interested, we only need a crease…just one smidgen of a reason to believe our approach won’t be rejected…yes i did say smidgen…it’s a real word…look it up…and some of us don’t even need that…so if you still believe it’s your intelligence or success that keeps me at bay…then maybe you’re not as intelligent as either one of us thought you were…

fellows…am i right on this one…ladies…let me know what you think…

elrock…