the jeter effect…

The homie sdotkikko brought this interesting interwebs link to my attention last week. Apparently someone over at The Sporting News got the genius idea to create an article of various images showing the highlights of Derek Jeter’s past conquests (or at least the celebrity ones that we know of as I’m sure there have been a few dimey waitresses/bottle servers/strippers that went unnoticed)…

Following a careful perusal (and 7 minutes of some alone time), I was left hating Jeter. It is one thing to be an athlete and have all your heart’s desires at your fingertips. But Mr. 3000 hits isn’t satisfied with that and feels the need to bed the majority of Maxim’s Top 100 Women list. It almost feels like a personal attack. The only way it could be worse is if he did it to my family tree…

After my hating spree ended, I began to think about how we as a society were even subjected to this. Aren’t athletes supposed to offset their silver spoon fed lives by making ridiculously poor decisions and then suffer through some sort of consequences that leave us commenting on their ignorance? We can probably just call it the Tiger condition at this point as I don’t see an athlete taking that title any time soon. But evidently DJ has some sort of antibiotic that makes him immune to this…

So if his cure works for athletes, then it probably has some application for those of us sitting in front of a computer on this fine Monday. Let’s think about how he has been able to do his best teflon impersonation… Read more of this post

“good” guys gone bad…

we’ve been all over the news recently…and by we, i mean they…you know the cats that seem to have it all but are willing to throw it away for old school hispanny (hispanic nanny) booty…ahem gov. schrwarzenegger…or a chance to use the ‘where’s my wiener’ app on his not so smart phone…

what makes a man with so much to lose seem so eager to lose it…i believe that scientist would call it stupidity, however i feel there is more than just a malfunctioning noodle loaf at play here…

what further complicates things, is that it’s not all men of power…when you examine the love lives of derek jeter and tom brady whom have run through hollywood like the juggernaut through…well…pretty much anything…yet have somehow never ended up sitting behind the “i’m stupid” microphone at the “i’ve embarrassed my family and my organization” press conference…

so if it’s not stupidity, then what else could cause these societal icons to engage in such risky foolishness…i thought you’d never ask…oh you didn’t…well listen anyway… Read more of this post

for the love of the game…

Earlier this week, I was traveling for the day gig and decided against the anti-social route of room service and made my way to a local bar for a bite and drinks. It just so happened that the women’s ncaa national title basketball game was the headline sporting event on this evening so I found myself bouncing between watching the game and taking in awkward conversation with those sitting next to me (of note, the cougar who purchased an entire bottle of wine for herself was quite entertaining and inquisitive).

While it was obvious to all watching that the women’s game was way better basketball than the men’s game the night before, I actually had an additional takeaway…some of these chics not only had their hair did (not to be confused with doing their hair) but also were able to keep it put together through the 40 minutes of game time. Now as elrock can tell you, it is hard to keep a fade looking fresh when running from power forward-esque females in the club for 10 minutes. So I was blown away by Skylar Diggins’ ability to keep her ‘do fresh throughout the game even in a losing effort because of a frequent excuse I’ve been given by the sisters with regards to physical activity…

“I can’t work out because of my hair…” Read more of this post

i’ll be that chic…

Once upon a time, in a far off land long, long, ok not that long ago, I may have been the chic in question referenced via onetrik’s last post. Sort of. Without putting myself on blast getting into too many details, I’ll just admit that yes- I’ve dated an athlete or four two. But honestly, for women who have lived in NY, LA or ATL, who hasn’t? Stop- Don’t answer that. I am sure two some of our UBF female constituents can readily say that their dating histories are ball handler free, but a good many of you cannot! Besides, I believe in one of my first posts I clearly stated that I’ve dated just about everybody at some point in my life. Why would I discriminate against tall rich guys with hot bodies those who were more athletically inclined? That’s prejudicial. I pride myself on being fair.
Read more of this post

black thanksgiving…

Now that we are officially 24 hours past the closing of NBA All Star weekend,  it seems like a good time to recap what the fellas of ubf experienced during this year’s hip hop woodstock. For those readers unfamiliar, this collection of tall millionaires bouncing a ball has somehow become a tradition within the African American community to celebrate too little clothing and hennessey.

Before jumping into the embellished memories, there is one caveat:  as true asw veterans, ubf efficiently avoided the masses descending onto LA to either wait in a broken line that never moves or pay ridiculously marked up prices for entry into a party sponsored by a celebrity that would never actually make it to the venue. But don’t worry as that did not prevent the male contingent of this fine blog from partaking in a bit of ridiculousness mixed with good times.

Now bring on the memories: Read more of this post

inside the men’s locker room…

What is it about men and sports? I decided today to attempt to get to the bottom of this by broaching the subject with my QB. Sure- I like sweaty competition between extremely athletic looking men just like the next hot blooded female sports fan, but my dedication ends before I  waste set aside my entire Sunday for  football, bipolarly switch between three basketball games on TV while trying to eat dinner or let the loss of some overpaid baseball players determine my mood.

In the end, the Giants, the Knicks and the Yankees will still get copious amounts of @ss money whether I love them or not. They have much more to gain by winning and much more to lose from losing than I do, so my loyalty will not determine the trajectory of their win/loss ratio. Plus- none of these overpaid athletes give a damn about me, so how invested could I possibly be? Read more of this post

what the sports world can teach us about breakups…

welcome back ubf’ers…hopefully the thanksgiving holiday/black friday combo has your bellies full and your wallets as empty as mine…but a word of caution to those expecting gifts…my wallet was empty way before the target trampling started…as most of you know, when i’m not out drinking and making bad life decisions counseling our followers on all the ills beauties of meaningful male/female relationships, i am glued to my 52 inch picture machine watching andre johnson doing his best ike turner impression on cortland finnegan’s helmetless head skilled athletes perform in games of skill and endurance…one can learn a great deal from the challenges these athletes face from game to game but today the pessimist in me wants to focus on what happens when happy endings are aborted (and subsequent tips withheld) and things don’t go according to plan…here are some nuggets we can take away from sport’s messiest break-ups… Read more of this post

you ain’t got to lie to kick it…

This weekend saw a collision of sporting goodness very rarely seen in a 72 hour period. We, the avid sports fans, spent Saturday, Sunday and Monday evening fondling the remote from baseball to football (NCAA & NFL) to tennis (US Open) to NASCAR (final race in the chase aka their playoffs) to even a little international basketball (FIBA World Championship). (Sidenote: Take note that the WNBA finals were intentionally not included in this summary of sport spectacular gumbo as not even the biggest sports fan knew or cared about them.) We then woke up this morning to a dual path route carved in our carpet/flooring from the couch to the refrigerator and the bathroom. Needless to say, it was a nearly perfect three days minus the pit stop into the job for a few hours yesterday.

[insert my soap box]

But my amazing weekend featured a persistent heartburn not cured by Prilosec OTC which means it wasn’t the wings and pizza. This indigestion was caused by the ridiculous amount of annoying status updates/tweets bombarding my feeds. No I’m not talking about the countless poor jokes made at the expense of Mr. Barron’s hug session at the end of the Cowboys vs. Skins game (those were actually enjoyable). Instead, I’m pointing to the inordinate amounts of fraudulent excitement expressed for the start of football season through every single social media channel known to mankind. The issue being that every Stacey, Kerri, and Nicole felt it her job to let all of her potential love-mates friends know she was seriously amped for the start football. Read more of this post

nfl…we’ve missed you so…

i love summer but i hate summertime sportscenter, but with labor day peering at me through my rear windshield, i knew that it was only a matter of time before stuart scott would once again be discussing sports stories i cared about…then it happened…i was awakened this morning by words that made my attention stand at err…attention…it’s time…the nfl season starts tonight…this must be what love feels like…

i mean…baseball is cool if you like watching grown men in pajamas chew sunflower seeds and michael jackson their man handles for 3 hours…don’t get me wrong…throwing a 98 mph fastball is a credible athletic feat…but i would be more impressed if the pitcher had to deliver that 98mph fast ball to a catcher that was running at full speed while there was a 307 lb guy on 1st base who decided to charge him instead of heading over to 2nd…maybe that’s just me…but i probably would watch it if they brought steroids back…

but enough baseball bashing…because that’s not what i’m here for…it’s football season…time for:

– sundays full of couch hunching and remote fondling…

– me to lead my fantasy football league in ish talking…and nothing else… Read more of this post

no closer in the bullpen…

A few weeks ago with no real sports on Sportscenter, I overheard the analysts talking about baseball teams working to get an improved closer for their bullpen prior to the trade deadline. I’m not a baseball fan. I’d much rather watch my grass grow without men standing on it waiting on a ball to fall from the sky into their oversized glove. However despite my limited interest in this supposed sport, I couldn’t help but see the similarity in their team strategy and an optimal dating strategy.

Non-sports people work with me for a second. It will all make sense in about 133 words. I promise. Read more of this post