whose your daddy…

While reading the twitter timeline & facebook feed on Sunday, I couldn’t help but notice how many of my friends and followers were tweeting about Father’s day. And not necessarily their own fathers. I had at least ten “Oh damn, I didn’t know he had a kid” moments…which led me to another observation…

Many of the “Daddies” in question were those same dudes tweeting/status updating/texting me about their un-readiness for relationshipville. From asking a few homies my detailed research, I’ve garnered that most of the commitment-phobe dudes that I know often cite the increased ‘responsibility’ of being in a relationship as one of the major downsides. Yesterday, elrock schooled us on all the things Daddies are responsible for. It’s an interesting list, but it also made me wonder… Read more of this post

it’s bridezilla season…

It’s that time of year again…

The birds are a chirpin, sun is a shinin, skin is a showin and brides are a b-tchin. Yessir- Wedding season. The one time where your favorite homegirl gets a day pass (or 6 month unlimited…however long it takes for her to plan the ‘event of her life’) for acting like a crazy, self absorbed, self righteous, irrational…biiii lady. What is it about weddings that make good friends gone bad?  According to some scientific study from some really smart educated guys, Marriage is the 7th most stressful event that can occur in your life. To put that in perspective, it is rated above pregnancy, being fired and sex difficulties. Which brings to mind another question sure to be addressed in a UBF posting for another day: Why do people get married again?

But as usual, I digress. According to our good friends at Wikipedia (because let’s face it- they ARE the authority on everything. Just ask Google…) : “A bridezilla (a neologistic portmanteau of bride and Godzilla) is a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride. An article on Slate magazine[2] suggests that the clinical diagnosis of acquired situational narcissism may be appropriate for the condition. Accounts of Bridezillas have been reported from across the world and are to be found in numerous collections on the internet. ” Read more of this post

when you know you know…

“How did you know he/she was the one?” It’s a question that comes up every time anyone gets engaged. And the inevitable answer? “When you know, you know.”  (I’m waiting to hear Ms. Kardashian soon to be Humphries repeat this very phrase in her next interview…so I can sue her for…something.) What does that mean? Are we to believe that in the land of a 50% divorce success rate (and growing) that people really just magically fall into the perfect person and immediately recognize it? That one day you will be cruising down 5th avenue and see your future boonopolis in happily never after across the street and just know?

Or then there is the “He is different from any other man I’ve ever known.” This one always sounded the most ridiculous to me because…well…not to make an overarching statement…but… well, yeah I’ll go ahead and generalize for kicks…Most men are more alike than different.  Read more of this post

facebook…a powerful tool…

I’m lucky to have good homiettes with not so good dating experiences. Otherwise I’d be forced to handout disclaimers on all the dates I go on stating that anything that happens can and will be blogged about in a humorous to negative light which kind of ruins the chances of coitus related fun. But enough about me and my weekends, back to the homiette.

One of them met a gentleman who checked off her requirements for exchanging her actual phone number. As any man in 2011 would do, he hit her with a text to which she responded. This is where the story turns for worse and his lack of careful positioning became obvious.

Guy: Are you on Facebook?

Homiette: Yes I am.

Guy: There are a lot of people with your first name on here. I couldn’t find you.

Homiette: Why would you want to add someone without knowing their last name?

We’ll stop there as the conversation lead down a path that found the guy’s named saved as ‘do not answer’ in the homiette’s phone…another lesson for another day. But the question I’m here to answer is why did this gentleman feel the need get a +1 on his facebook friend total after one chance meeting and 2 texts? Read more of this post

the facebook un-friendables…

facebook is beginning to turn into a bit of a dilemma for me…i was always interested in passively keeping up with the lives of friends and family, but i am now finding that my circle of friends has expanded far enough to begin to include those “unfriendables”…seeing that non-word in quotations, should let you know exactly where i’m headed with this one…so let’s just cut the additional niceties and get there…

if you do any of the following, our facebook friendship can only be spoken about in the past tense…

status updates makes it clear to me that you have nothing to lose…i must admit, i will allude to a swear word or two, but if your status looks like it was cut from the unfunny part of some old school eddie murphy standup routine, we can no longer exchange pokes…curse words are not meant to be typed…they’re only meant to be rapped in the most insulting way towards women and rival mc’s…i am neither… Read more of this post

just in case you like it there…

Yesterday, Onetrik  so EXpertly schooled us on the Ex Commandments…Now I think there should be an equal and opposite list for those of us in the pitfalls of a relationship. Many times here at UBF we focus on the side chic, man whore relationship challenged. As an equal opportunity blogger person who likes to write things, I felt it was only fair to lay down some rules for the happily ensconced in togetherville.  You know- just in case you actually want to stay there.

Don’t go through the phone, computer, email etc. etc. etc.- A wise man once told me, if you look hard enough, you will find something. The same holds true for pilfering through your significant other’s PRIVATE <–(Magic Word) belongings. Read more of this post

ex commandments…

Regardless of if your last dating scenario ended amiable with the two of you remaining facebook friends or you required a new set of pirellis on the whip and a restraining order, you are currently someone’s ex. Congratulations and welcome to today’s less than ground-breaking realization.

As an ex, there are definitely socially agreed upon things that come with this role. For instance, you should probably stop calling that person your girlfriend/boyfriend. And it is probably is a good idea for you to remove them as the benefactor of your life insurance policy (especially in the case of the restraining order as that seems to contain the makings of a ‘misunderstanding’).

In addition to the obvious rules, there are a few finer points that some of you are directly violating. Whether it be charged to your refusal to admit all that victoria secrets you bought is being enjoyed by other fellows or a fear the next chic is getting that ring you designed in your mind that he was supposed to buy, you should probably take a gander at the following guidelines for effectively managing your position as ex cherie amour. Read more of this post

the communication conundrum…

How much is too much? These days there are a number of ways to connect to the object of your affection. There is the land line, cell phone, text message, skype, aim, yahoo, msn, email, facebook, myspace, linked in, twitter…and the list continues to grow as you read this. With all the ways to get in contact with someone, technically we should be talking every day. Right?

But alas, when it comes to the early stages of dating, reaching out to poke “touch”  can be seen as anything from sweet to stalker.  While there is probably a significant gap between ‘crazy over communicator’ and ‘random randy’, people rarely find that happy medium.

However, fear not, because the folks of UBF  have put together a list of tried and true communication ‘old faithfuls’-guaranteed turn offs. Since every situation is different, it helps to have general guidelines to prevent you from playing yourself and scaring away your future ex. Read more of this post

league of your own…

Ever been hit on a guy while he was dumpster diving? No? I have. More than once, unfortunately.  I always find it interesting how the most confident individuals are often the ones that shouldn’t be. When debating this week’s topics, onetrik implored me to write about females that insist their friends are cute when they really aren’t. I decided to take this idea one step slightly less superficial further and explore the bigger question: Why is it that so many people are delusional about their own personal rating?

Read more of this post

better to receive than to give…

One of the homies left me the following facebook wall message last week:

“I’d love the UBF perspective on females proposing…”

I spent the initial 4 days waiting for her to finish the ask with what the females would be proposing. But there was no follow-up.

I then asked around to finally realize she was asking me about the scenario where a female would propose marriage to her relationship co-pilot. My first reaction was something along the lines of “oh hell naw” but figured that wouldn’t make for much of a post and I’d be forced to come up with an additional topic help provide the homie with an actual perspective to her inquiry. Read more of this post