2011 resolutions…

a few nights ago wegot completely wasted and drunk dialed/texted everyone we want to sleep with in
2011 then prank called all the people that pissed us off in 2010
toasted and celebrated the introduction of a new deck of days…i don’t know about you, but i love this time of year…the time when people admit that they’ve pretty effed up for the last 337 days (or however long it’s been since the last list of resolutions expired)…but now we get to reset…all we need is a stroke of midnight on december 31st mixed with some champagne and stranger saliva from someone you just met at church a kiss from your new year’s eve party boo to give us that do-over that we will most certainly screw up again so rightfully deserve…

so prepare yourselves for a lull in fornication as vows of celibacy kick in along with a spike in folks waiting in line for a treadmill at the gym to work off those extra sexual frustrations pounds…
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computer love…er…

i’ve recently been party to 2 different e-harmony success stories…and no that doesn’t mean that i just watched 1/3 of an e-harmony commercial…these ladies were both attractive and successful…both of whom i had hunched in separate sober daydreams…even with all those positives they still had been unable to locate permanent(or semi-permanent) posturepedic partners…that is until they did the unthinkable…signed up for e-harmony…in both cases they pointed out that the move to on-line dating required an unprecedented amount of open mindedness…but even after success stories like these…and those commercials…there are still some of my extremely single friends that are still totally opposed to the concept…don’t get me wrong…i love how passing glances can turn into happily ever afters, but in these days of long work hours, 120 degree silly yoga and ubf reading sessions how would y’all find time to date…so i actually applaud those of you who have opened your minds to alternative solutions…but to the nay-saying lone-sleepers i have to ask…wtf…and here are their typical replies…oh…and why they are all wrong…

– i want to stay away from the “crazies”…because the last dude you met on your own who got mad when you wouldn’t let him pee on you in the shower obviously wasn’t crazy…

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