baby bucket list…

Would you agree that the onset of miniature people incapable of fending for themselves attached to those people we know is happening at an alarming rate?

Now we could argue that we are at that age…or that married people can only go to applebees so many times before they get bored…or that the world’s future depends on procreation…no matter the reason there are still things that everyone needs to do before they step up to the dna slot machine with a partner, put in their coin and hope for the best…

I present to you the two times certified ubf list of things to do before turning in your ‘I don’t have kids’ pendant:

+ Travel via planes often…the combination of cost, limited free hands, stranger dirty looks and TSA probing will restrict all of your travel destinations to within an iPhone’s battery life of a road trip when the little booger monster is involved…

+ Be careless with your porn…right now it is cool to hide your go to site in a nested bookmark on that browser that doesn’t have an icon on the desktop or to stash a few dvds/mags in a shoe box amongst your real sneaker collection. But no hiding tactic is fail proof with ankle biters in the house. They will not only find it but conveniently take the contraband to your wife therefore committing porn-icide on your behalf… Read more of this post

him downstairs…

we here at ubf, keep our ears to the streets and around 11pm the streets (by way of facebook and twitter) told us that in perhaps the ‘g-est’ of moves since arnold “what you talking bout willis” drummond took on the gooch at nyc ps152 back in ‘79, our commander-in-chief set the expiration date for the leader of one of the most feared terrorist organization in american history from the drive-thru at a hardee’s in littletown, alabama…well actually, they said he made the call before heading off to the southeast to evaluate the damage caused by last weeks storms, but i just thought my way made for better tv…

in any event…one mr. osama bin laden has been sent off to collect his virgins…and i hope, for his sake, that they don’t mind hunching a guy with an extra hole in his head…i peeped the photo and he looks like an extra from a quintin  tarantino film…

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the dating grinch…

As elrock pointed out yesterday, we’ve entered into the tough conversation zone here at ubf…and today we’ll focus on those of you hell bent on keeping your group of friends single by dating everyone under the sun and then announcing them off limits for the crew…how selfish…

Now every group has their own set of rules scribed on the back of a friendship agreement or something somewhere…whether it be the past dream girl is off limits or the guy from past day dreams is off limits, you have a good idea on whether or not hollarage is permitted. The rules are generally followed assuming you are in fact close friends and you haven’t imagined yourself as a TSA agent with full x-ray and pat down privileges with their ex (because we all know it will only result in a roll of the friendship dice for the chance of strong like with higher odds in favor of a newly found extra space in your myspace top 8)…

But let’s take a minute to think about this as logical and rational adults…lacking social skills to find our own potential boonopolis. In today’s highly connected world and realistically considering a healthy friend pool and average dating resume, overlap is not only inevitable but likely and should be considered for a game you can gamble on in vegas…

So walk with me down consideration lane…assuming we are excluding first loves or recent (less than four months from break-up) exes from a real relationship (more than one consecutive year) and putting aside that awkward ‘I seen your O face’ feeling, allowing open access to your exes isn’t really a big deal and should actually be encouraged… Read more of this post