you think you know…

I am always surprised when men tell me about women.  As I pretended to be was watching the Super Bowl on Sunday, I decided to share some of the gems my male buddies threw out there during commercial breaks and halftime as “knowledge” with the readers of UBF. Allow me to swiftly shut them down. Without further ado…

–        We have issues with all other females – false. We have issues with other females that are, were or could potentially be involved with you. We also aren’t huge fans of women that you fantasize about. (That means you crazy berry)

–        We are all insecure about how our man perceives our bodies – also false. By the time a woman reaches a certain age, she is much more inclined to have a take it or leave it attitude about getting naked in front of her dude. Either he likes it or he doesn’t. It’s safe to say if you like one part of our bodies, you won’t mind seeing it sans distracting materials. Otherwise you wouldn’t be trying so hard to see us without clothes. And we know that. Read more of this post

eating your friend’s Barrys

It was wonderful to hear Onetrik’s “Ode to Eva” in regards to the completely unsurprising unfortunate demise of the union of Tony Parker and Eva Longoria.  There has been a lot of focus on the fact that he cheated, the sexting and of course, that infamous interweb called Facebook that pastors who previously engaged in ménage trios shamelessly warn their congregations about. And while I would love to wax prophetic on how this marriage began with the hour glass from Taboo may not have been one built to last, I actually have a more pressing question. Why aren’t more people raking that two faced lying cheating scandalicious biatch this Erin Barry character over the coals?

People cheat all the time. But now, in addition to having to keep tabs on your philandering significant other, you now have to make sure that all the time your home girl spends at your house isn’t a ruse to get closer to your man. Fellas- you are not immune. Apparently, vicariously living through your dirtbag friends just became hazardous to your relationship. Who knew that the tales of his many conquests now includes your wife? In my opinion, Tony cheating is not the biggest scandal here. He’s French after all. Didn’t they invent ménage trios? But shagging the wife of his teammate- that’s a new celebrity athlete cheating low. Read more of this post

dear eva…

With things continuing into this week in the he said she said media storm around Eva Longoria and Tony Parker’s pending divorce, I’m here to provide my take on the situation. Instead of the typical ‘she should have known what she was getting into’ or the ‘she’s a gold digger anyway’ angles, I’m here with an open letter to Eva (or any other celebrity that has found themselves in an open relationship unbeknownst to themselves thanks to their celebrity husband’s galivanting) with a unique solution. Feel free to pass this on to her as she may not be on the ubf distribution yet.

Dear Eva,

For starters, no matter what you may be hearing this is not your fault. Unfortunately for you (and many of your peers), you mistakenly and albeit beautifully prescribe to a common societal misnomer: being at the top of every man’s ‘tug show material’ list protects you from infidelity. I know it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever but there is actually some illogical logic for why your stalking worthy attractiveness never stood a chance. Read more of this post