the real 5 friends every woman should have…

As normal, I spent the evening (in between sips of jack daniels honey of course) perusing various internet locals looking for inspiration for this here post…a few clicks in and I found myself in a very unlikely place…Oprah.com…

Now don’t get me wrong, I for damn sure would take a new car from Sofia (or her media properties) but when it comes to advice I’m going to stick to fortune cookies and twitter trending topics….but the title of this specific article caught my interest so I gave it a quick read…feel free to go do the same…

“5 friends every woman should have”

I’m not trying to say women shouldn’t be giving each other advice on what type of friends they should have…no wait actually I am…I’ve collected approximately 73 data samples that have told me that the average (emphasis on this word average) woman does in fact not know how to select her own friends…only 13.6% of all women between the ages of 18-35 have successfully chosen the appropriate friends…truly sad I know…for those scoring at home, you may have guessed that all of these numbers have been pulled from a place that doesn’t see much sun…and you are correct… Read more of this post

race relations…

My dad has a great saying, “You’re single until you are married”. I begin with this statement in order to explain why I end up fraternizing with so many random people when perhaps I shouldn’t be. That’s not to say that I’m a cheater. But it is to say that I’m smart enough to keep one eye open, you know…just in case. But I digress. During one of my random interactions, I was casually introduced to a friend of a friend while out at an event. Within 45 seconds of conversation, he asked me, “Did you grow up in the valley?”

To which I responded with a questioning, “Nooo….”. His follow up question explained where he was going with this. “Did you grow up around White people?” So then I said, “Why are you asking me that?” and his response was: “Because you talk like a White girl.”

Now before I continue, I’ll pause and let you reflect on that for a moment. It caught me off guard as I haven’t heard such an asinine question since I was about 18. But what does a White girl talk like? Apparently, according to his original projections, they sound like a character in ‘Clueless’ from the valley of California’s Los Angeles area. However, since I do not pepper my sentences with ‘Like’, ‘Oh my God’, ‘Dude!’ and ‘Totally!’, I’m going to go out on a limb and say he was referring to my lack of cleverly dispersed urban youth slang in my speech. But I decided to take off my Assuming hat and see if I could get some clarification. Read more of this post

just something in my eye…

As you real sports fans have no doubt seen numerous times in the never ending sportscenter loop, the Miami Heat coach went all snitch mcgee after their loss yesterday. No he didn’t call out LeBron or D. Wade on their philandering while on the road but instead in a more cowardly scenario he decided to tell the reporters that some of his players were in the locker room boo-hoo’ing over a box of puffs. Now granted it was their 4th loss in a row and they did lose once again relying on ‘king’ james’ late game heroics but were tears and snot rags really necessary?

That was rhetorical.

It did however cause me to wonder if and when it was appropriate for grown men to shed a little h2o from their optical openings. Not to say that there is anything wrong with a wet cheekbone, but you can’t just be weeping and sniffling over anything. The following should give us a good start as to what warrants tear deposits. Read more of this post

my (ideal) valentine…

Even though elrock convinced us that this faux holiday was no more than a ponzi scheme and the never ending emails from 1800flowers.com have forced me to change email addresses permanently, I am still somewhat unsettled with the fact that I sit here alone on the day of the little fat man/baby in a diaper with a bow and arrow that makes you settle…the more important thing is that I have no one to overwhelm with chivalry and gifts…

[moment of silence for this ‘woe is me moment’]

But don’t fret you dedicated ubf readers…while I can’t virtually open your door or pay for your delightful Sizzler meal, I can however deliver you a gift on this amazing Hallmark created holiday…and in typical onetrik fashion this gift will be slightly self-serving…

I bring you the characteristics of my desired valentine…and what better way to do that than through celebrity examples such that you fully understand what the requirements include…not to say that she needs to be a celebrity (however knowing any of these ladies will make this quest significantly easier) but the following will paint the picture of what St. Valentine intended for your guy… Read more of this post

make your list and chunk it twice…

have you ever gone to the grocery store with the intention of buying a box of condoms one thing and emerged 43 minutes later with an unplanned pregnancy everything but that one thing that prompted the trip…go ahead and nod vigorously…we’re not here to judge…but, what would be even worse (read as judge worthy)…have you ever gone in with a well thought out list and emerged with the exact opposite(assuming there is a such thing as an opposite grocery)…i mean getting twinkies instead of carrots, boones farm instead of prune juice or coke instead of crystal meth pure spring-ish bottled tap water…sounds crazy right…well then answer me this…why do we do it in our dating lives…is it perhaps our desire to pursue what we really want vs. what we think we need…i’ll give you a second to reflect on how deep i just came… Read more of this post