it’s bridezilla season…

It’s that time of year again…

The birds are a chirpin, sun is a shinin, skin is a showin and brides are a b-tchin. Yessir- Wedding season. The one time where your favorite homegirl gets a day pass (or 6 month unlimited…however long it takes for her to plan the ‘event of her life’) for acting like a crazy, self absorbed, self righteous, irrational…biiii lady. What is it about weddings that make good friends gone bad?  According to some scientific study from some really smart educated guys, Marriage is the 7th most stressful event that can occur in your life. To put that in perspective, it is rated above pregnancy, being fired and sex difficulties. Which brings to mind another question sure to be addressed in a UBF posting for another day: Why do people get married again?

But as usual, I digress. According to our good friends at Wikipedia (because let’s face it- they ARE the authority on everything. Just ask Google…) : “A bridezilla (a neologistic portmanteau of bride and Godzilla) is a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride. An article on Slate magazine[2] suggests that the clinical diagnosis of acquired situational narcissism may be appropriate for the condition. Accounts of Bridezillas have been reported from across the world and are to be found in numerous collections on the internet. “

Now in Church- yes lolita does attend church because let’s face it, she’s one of the people that needs it the most, but anyway…in Church…this is the part where the preacher takes a certain phrase from the verse and just lets you marinate on it for a bit.  I’m no preacher and Wikipedia ain’t the word, but I certainly like his style. So, let’s take a gander at that one part for a minute “Acquired situational narcissism”. There’s an ‘Aha’ moment. If one were to reflect on all the foolywang bride to be’s that they have encountered in life (and unfortunately I’ve been associated with more than a few), this sums it up perfectly. Apparently, since she is getting married, she has become the Most Important Woman in the World! Who knew? There’s only one problem. The rest of us didn’t get the memo.

Well engaged ladies, ladies in waiting and just about everyone else who still has time to avoid being that witchy woman your friends will secretly snicker about as “YOUR special day” approaches, allow us to give you a polite leg tap and help a sista out. Here are some reasons why you need to chill out and relax yourself.

It’s YOUR day – The thing about YOUR birthdays, anniversaries, graduation days and yes…weddings, is that nobody really finds it quite as important as you do. While we completely understand that this is the most important day of YOUR life, there’s some bad news. It’s not the most important day of ours. And it never will be. So keep that in mind before drinking that act a fool juice…

Your decision to spend all your savings was…YOUR decision – Weddings can get expensive. It’s one of main reasons I am a huge fan of the “Elope”. Me, my guy, some beach somewhere…oh yes and approximately $5000 total (not including my 10k dress…) Personally, I don’t need to pay you to come to my wedding. Because as we stated earlier, it’s my day. But, in a city like New York, I understand the temptation to have a ballertastic wedding, say yes to the dress and basically spend every penny you have so that you can have brag-worthy photos to post on facebook to commemorate your big day. If that’s what you are into, go for it. But do the rest of us a favor: Stop Complaining! You made your wedding bed. Lie in it.

I’m buying you the most expensive thing on the registry –  Your real friends are going to do a couple things for you that those other guests won’t do. 1) We will obey etiquette and actually cover the cost of our plate in some sort of check to the bride and groom on the wedding day 2) We will not scroll to the bottom of the registry list looking for the cheap stuff. Money is no object for your good friends on their special day. Those other people you barely talk to who are people you invited so you can show off seat fillers won’t give you that courtesy- trust me. So that being said…when you start acting like a crazy #$!@…well…i’m lookin for reasons not to come. You see, we have a tendency to take out our frustrations on the people that we love the most. You are doing it now. And so we are returning the favor…

It’s not that we aren’t happy for you. We just never signed up for your version of crazy…because “situational” or no…crazy is still crazy.

Until death do us part- that’s what HE said…lolita


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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