rules of the man crush…

There comes the times in every straight man’s life when he recognizes that he has an appreciation for certain aspects (non-sexual) of another man’s life…and if you are vigorously shaking your head no, you may have misplaced your homophobic medicine in that little closet of yours…it isn’t gay to give credit to another man’s choice in suits unless you are doing that after noticing it on your floor following a night of naked pitch and catch…

Many refer to this as a man crush…not to be confused with a bromance which is an entirely different topic on itself…for example, I have a man crush on Bradley Cooper…well let me make one point of clarification, I have a man crush on the characters that Bradley Cooper tends to play in movies…I couldn’t tell you how he actually lives in his normal day to day life given the lack of TMZ sightings or police reports but the guys his name is associated with in the closing credits always seem to be of the kind of person that you wouldn’t mind tagging in your facebook pictures following a weekend of foolery…as that is the true sign of male friendship…

The reasons male crushes are such a hush topic is that straight-straight  guys tend  to not want others to think they are gay, gay-straight guys tend to not want others to know they are gay and gay-gay guys tend to actually not care what others think especially those in the other two categories…

In an attempt to help those of us in the first category, I’ve come up with some rules for the man crush that should erase those fears…and they should be pretty easy to follow if you are in fact in the first category… Read more of this post

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and you say she’s just a friend…

it has often been said that men and women simply cannot maintain platonic friendships…and the reason generally given is fairly simple…because men will hunch pretty much anything that looks like it has the faintest possibility of producing friction pleasure…well we here at ubf have argued to the contrary (although that might’ve just been me)…

but as i sit here drizzling hennessy xo across my keyboard, there are some of you ladies out there that have had your eye on the man region of a particular fellow and can’t seem to figure out why the distance between you and said region leave you needing a quarter activated set of binoculars to see it…

as luck would have it, just like anytime you click on that ubf bookmark, you’ve come to the right place…today’s post has been painstakingly designed to a) help you figure out if you’ve been relegated to the bedroom bench and b) help you determine what could’ve gotten you there…you read that right…the ever so rare double fisted listed post…

so…go grab your glass of nuvo and meet me over here in the list corner…  Read more of this post

the good guy settling down theory…

So ubf fam…today I’m putting away the usual life assisting advice (and accompanying numerically symmetric lists) to pose some questions that I for once don’t have the answers to…I know surprising. I’m hoping that among the 10s of regular readers out there that we can collectively get to some solutions….

Now before we jump in this will be an interactive exercise that requires your input. By proceeding you are agreeing that you will offer up your opinion…deal? Deal…

As we approach the ninth month of this year, I would have to say there has been a consistent theme in onetrik-ville…the collective pursuit of eradicating my firmly rooted singledom. It seems that everyone came in with the new year’s resolution of nominating a friend they feel could tip the scales from first dates, Xbox and international debauchery to boo’d up things I’m not as familiar with…

Now I’m not saying that I’m a nicely dressed sneaker wearing door opening gift to the fairer sex but the consistency with which I’ve been confronted with the opportunities to meet ‘someone that is perfect for me’ have shall we say over indexed. Along the way, I’ve asked a few about their interest in seeing me settled down with their sister from another mother. The answer tends be associated with the idea that I am a good guy. My question to you is what does that even mean? Read more of this post

putting the man in man-ogamy…

now before my spelling bee champions begin firing your darts of disagreement, i know that the word is really monogamy, but that would starve the title of all of the cleverness i’ve been trying to feed to it for the last 37 seconds…

i once heard that it is unnatural for a man to settle down with a single loin serving …i then heard it repeated a few thousand times…so of course i believed it…kinda like the folks that believe that raising taxes will hurt the economy…i digress…so once i gave up on finding “the one”, i shifted my life goal to becoming the poor black version of vincent chase, which is damn near impossible when your ‘entourage’ is more popular than you are…

don’t get me wrong…i love love…especially when it looks like that main character from single ladies (i still have no idea what the show is about as i watch it muted with luther vandross playing in the background)…but let’s face it, lust is much easier to understand and ascertain…sure the ease of it should not be reason enough to keep trying to plug every attractive ‘leak’, but i believe most of us assume that if they plug enough of them, you can trade in your lust coins for a big furry stuffed love… Read more of this post

guys’ guys…pause…

over the last few weeks, i’ve been enjoying what we like to call funemployment…there’s a paycheck en route and a mad men blu ray disc in the ps3…i’m in the middle of season 3 so shhh with any comments referencing anything that happened after the birth of the 3rd shorty…

while watching the antics of don draper i kept thinking that if my single man dreams ever started showing as much churn as his real fictional married life, i would have to stop taking naps…because they would only lead to additional naps…and somebody’s got to make these damn donuts…

after marveling at mr. draper’s exploits, i also realized that he was probably the type of unfaithful married wife smashing dude you would want in your crew…the type that shares flight attendants and never blows up your spot…this led me to wonder who else i might invite to join the ultimate crew…ladies and gentlemen, the guys’ guys…with the obligatory “pause” of course… Read more of this post

where there’s smoke…

it starts with that sinking sick sensation in the pit of your stomach…that slight inclination that your mate really wasn’t where they said they were or they weren’t with who they said they would be (yeah…say that 3 times fast)…if you’re one of the lucky ones, then you have no idea what i’m talking about…however, for that other 68% of the population, this post is for you…and hopefully it’s not too late…

the tendency is to stuff that feeling away…to tuck it into the very bottom of your heart where the hard candy, weird lint balls and loose change hang out…and why not…your feelings are obviously unwarranted right…it is perfectly logical that your man accidentally bumped into a clown outside of his office, and that’s how he got that red lipstick-ish stain on his collar…or that your lady goes to a pole dancing class after work everyday and that’s why she must wear her finest undergarments…sure, these are plausible options but one would have to do no more than tug at one of the pre-loosened threads before that entire garment of deception unraveled completely… Read more of this post

the facebook un-friendables…

facebook is beginning to turn into a bit of a dilemma for me…i was always interested in passively keeping up with the lives of friends and family, but i am now finding that my circle of friends has expanded far enough to begin to include those “unfriendables”…seeing that non-word in quotations, should let you know exactly where i’m headed with this one…so let’s just cut the additional niceties and get there…

if you do any of the following, our facebook friendship can only be spoken about in the past tense…

status updates makes it clear to me that you have nothing to lose…i must admit, i will allude to a swear word or two, but if your status looks like it was cut from the unfunny part of some old school eddie murphy standup routine, we can no longer exchange pokes…curse words are not meant to be typed…they’re only meant to be rapped in the most insulting way towards women and rival mc’s…i am neither… Read more of this post

the friend zone…

As one of those females with a lot of male friends that I am not at all boinking, I am often in the position to give a pretty sound argument against the belief that men and women cannot be “just friends”. The premise to this argument is that either one or both parties has an ulterior motive. According to the theory: In the case of men, they rarely hang out with women they don’t find at least passably attractive. As for women, most of the attractive ones don’t have many female friends so homeboys are their default. And the attention of a male homie can quickly turn from happy hour to horizontal mambo under the right circumstances. Of course on both sides, male and female, there is always the friend “lying in wait”. He or she hangs around watching and waiting until the exact right moment to “strike”, thus breaking the barrier of the friend zone. These are the theories that people are out peddling.

Is this really true? I decided to do a quick run through of my male friends and let you guys be the judge. Are we really just friends? Or is there more to it? Below is my list of the types of guys I roll with. You tell me. Read more of this post

training camp…

A few weeks back a brave commenter asked whether or not hanging with other women multiple times a week was problematic for a guy in a committed relationship. Well considering I’m only committed to the shows on my DVR and two groupons about to expire, I’m probably not the best person to answer that inquiry. However it did get me thinking about the ramifications of constant association with the fairer sex in non-romantic settings which then led me to uncover a science fair runner up worthy concept.

Before we jump in…if you are A) currently dating me AND B) would like that to continue, then you might want to skip today’s post as it may include more than your daily dose of honesty…but if you continue on, you can’t say I didn’t warn you…

Not a surprise but the upside to a disproportionate amount of homiettes in the crew is consistent female interaction training. While these interactions fall outside of the slayfest variation that most men look to pursue with non-homiettes, one thing that can’t be overlooked is that crew members are actually still in possession of lady parts which women you do intend to slay also have. Unfortunately this consistent exposure may subject you to additional responsibilities vs. regular homies (e.g. opening doors, picking up the tab, sharing a coat, playing the role of boyfriend when holla-man hovers, etc.) but the payoff may in turn actually be invaluable. What I didn’t realize until the 10 minutes of concentrated thought I dedicated to this topic is that I regularly find myself in a perpetual training camp of sorts focused on XX chromosome management when sharing kickage sessions with the homiettes.

But why does that matter? I’m glad you asked. Read more of this post

the difference between best friends and “best friends”…

a while ago, that dude onetrik talked you through the difference between homies and homiettes…and now that you’ve had a few months to chew on that, i’d like to add a little salt and vinegar…but i’ll start by telling a very short mildly informative story…

my college ex and i broke up when i graduated and ran off to hunch strangers find my plot in life…later…following a few attempts to squirt lighter fluid and throw matches at that expired flame, we decided that we’d probably be better off as friends…but a funny thing happened on the way to friend land…we somehow found ourselves wading through this murky pool of grey…

for those unfamiliar…the grey area is the mythical place where nothing is defined so almost anything goes…a diet relationship if you will…you still have a person to share all of your latest life developments and inside jokes with…however, you have your own lives and live them relatively unobstructed…but you also know that anytime your two privates are in the same area code, they might meet up for coffee, drinks or that meal between dinner and breakfast… Read more of this post