pay to play…

I come from the school of thought that in the early stages of dating the financial backing for said experiences should be funded by the wallet closest to balls. Now you can argue how advances in bra technology and the invention of the nanny make this a somewhat antiquated view point, but I would rebuttal with the varying differences in the quality of women that side with me vs you as the final verdict on who is right.

With that agreed upon, there is a certain level of monetary resources needed to determine whether the woman you managed to convince the full phone number out of is indeed in the mrs. right running. By no means is this a campaign for ‘trick if you got’, it is actually more of a ‘how to’ on avoiding the ‘broke dude’ title she references in her facebook status later that night.

The following simple worksheet will help determine if you can afford a real date or should be relegated to endless text messaging from your couch. You may want to grab a pen and paper to jot down a few calculations. Read more of this post

how to escape sack whackness…

i believe we’ve reached the point in our blog/blog reader relationship where we can start having the tough conversations…and as anyone that has ever had a tough conversation knows, this means you’ve probably done something wrong…and today’s offense is being less than stellar in the space between the flat and fitted sheets…

now if your first response was a silent mental denial, you should still continue to read because you are most likely the worst offender…

producing sub-par sexy time is actually another one of those instances where we fellows have the most practice upper hand…meaning, we have pretty clear indications that the performance we just turned in was less than award worthy… like the absence of leg twitching, the presence of a stern look of disappointment post dismount or an updated facebook status that reads “well that was a waste of 6 minutes” …
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this just in…

so every morning when i wake, i whisper good morning to the ladies…because i’ve convinced myself that only female pillows can be that soft…don’t judge me…next i reach over to grab my trusty iphone from the safe…i tap my usbottlesandfriends.com shortcut to unwrap the package of truth and hilarity that has been left for me by onetrik or lolita under the ubf tree…i then jump over to cnn to see what the other 301,019,361 people in america are deeming newsworthy that morning…i assumed the cnn app was broken yesterday when i encountered a story about a rap beef brewing between lil kim and nicki minaj…aka the has been queen bee and the wish never was new bee…this lead me to a few morning time conclusions…1) i need a lady friend that actually stays the night so i wouldn’t have to reach for my own phone and 2)even the 24 hr news source is running out of real news…now that the flood gates are open, i decided to fulfill my quota for ill-conceived news headlines as well…so here are a few other things that could be deemed news worthy that really aren’t… Read more of this post