not just another garden tool…

The ubf fellows took to the streets of nyc this past weekend and as always the good times commenced. I’ll get to some of those good times in my next posts but right now I need to spend the next few days cleaning myself of mouth herpes (learned that evidently somewhere between 65-90% of people have it and I’m venturing a guess I’m not in the talented tenth on this one) and other commonly spread epidemics that you get from public transportation…

During one of our pre-awesome sessions with the homies, we stumbled onto a gem of a topic…hoes…

It started with first defining what makes a person a hoe…it was no surprise we had countless different answers and feelings towards those exhibiting hoe tendencies…here are a few of the opinions on you might be a haeux if…

+ in the rare case that you were to become a  parent, your friends would not be able to guess the other parent within three guesses…

+ you require a preview of the guest list for any function given the your giving of the bizness to multiple friends in the same crew…

+ there is not one single thing on your list of ‘things I’ve never done in my birthday suit’…

+ taking you in public is a stressful decision for fear of not being the only one in the room with smanging access…

As you can see, all of these could very well describe someone with loose fornication policies…however most of these left a bit of grey area for interpretation or would only apply to Amber Rose and the likes so they weren’t practical for your every day jezebel…

In my humble opinion, it really comes down to one thing…are you giving up access to your special cookie jar in exchange for money, bill payment, cars, purses or shoes…said in a more carefully crafted metaphor way, you are the netflix of relations…and we now find ourselves with a very specific definition that doesn’t leave room for interpretation or misunderstandings…

You’ll notice I left all of the stated opinions and for good reason…for starters, opinions are said to be like a-holes and this post only has room for one of those…secondly, I can make an argument against all of them…

+ the accidental baby mama is merely someone that doesn’t understand when and why to pull the goalie…we can chalk that up to not paying attention during sex education or growing up with access to cinemax instead of pbs…

+ the awkward smashing multiple crew members is more of a testament to being indecisive with a side of messy than actually promiscuous behavior…we can assume this person holds up the line in your favorite froyo place as well…

+ the been there done that person has allowed their insatiable curiosity to inform them of what they like…we would probably find that they have a hard time saying no to more breadsticks and salad at olive garden and no hoes go there, right…

+ the frequent smanger is an adult and therefore able to make adult decisions with their relations assuming they are up front about you splitting the share of voice between their legs…we wouldn’t suggest promise ring shopping for them though until you are the featured back and no longer splitting time…

Now the other piece of this that you are probably asking is the stated definition seems a bit gender one sided…this is true…during our conversation when it was discussed  whether or not the hoe moniker was equally distributed between the genders…unlike the initial debate, there seemed to be only two opinions here…the women felt that men were unfairly exempt from hoe judgement and the men didn’t care…

There you have it…unless you disagree and want to compile your disagreement through words in the comments section below…

onetrik…said that youza hooooo….

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to not just another garden tool…

  1. I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I do not know who you are but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger if you are not already ;) Cheers!

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