what the sports world can teach us about breakups…

welcome back ubf’ers…hopefully the thanksgiving holiday/black friday combo has your bellies full and your wallets as empty as mine…but a word of caution to those expecting gifts…my wallet was empty way before the target trampling started…as most of you know, when i’m not out drinking and making bad life decisions counseling our followers on all the ills beauties of meaningful male/female relationships, i am glued to my 52 inch picture machine watching andre johnson doing his best ike turner impression on cortland finnegan’s helmetless head skilled athletes perform in games of skill and endurance…one can learn a great deal from the challenges these athletes face from game to game but today the pessimist in me wants to focus on what happens when happy endings are aborted (and subsequent tips withheld) and things don’t go according to plan…here are some nuggets we can take away from sport’s messiest break-ups… Read more of this post

who’s that peeking in my window…

Back in the good ole days, getting your stalk on wasn’t that easy. You needed extensive resources like their last name, a phonebook and means of transportation. As an ambitious 13 yr old, you may get a few of those but not the entire list for a full out stalking mission because mama onetrik dukes was tripping about being home before the street lights came on and hiding in the bushes isn’t that easy during the day. Or so I’ve heard.

Today’s aspiring voyeur has it much easier thanks to technology and everyone’s inner exhibitionist aka facebook profile. Twitter, Tumblr, Foursquare, Gchat and [insert other ways to avoid human to human contact] gives us the privilege of getting our snoop (Not that kind of Snoop thanks to you California voters) on from time to time. Unfortunately privilege comes with responsibility and based on the way some of you give a little responsibility your best Eddie Long (too soon??), I’m guessing we may have a few out there virtually violating quite a few “friends”.

No worries though because in the ongoing spirit of education at ubf and given the exorbitant amount of time I spend in the interwebs, I’m here to provide you with a fail proof guide on when you might be crossing that line from Curious George to Peeping Tom: Read more of this post

eddie long…going both ways…

while the rest of the country’s darker bloggers were dedicating their air time to the biggest news to hit the black community since bruce leroy defeated shonuff back in ’85, we thought it was way more important to touch on topics such as early morning hotel escapes and poems performed on pelvic mics…but today the good bishop gets his long awaited ubf post…let the church say amen…

in full disclosure, i have never been a fan of dudes in star trek suits eddie long…nothing against religion or mega-churches… i just always had a strong belief that hair pieces should only be worn at gun point by the donald and biker shirts should only be worn if you plan on touching boys peddling a bike with your arms…which of course leads me into the “what if he did it” portion of this post… Read more of this post

when your night clothes become your morning clothes…

your eyes pop open… it’s 9:27 in the morning…but that’s not your alarm clock…and by the cartoon characters/high thread count these aren’t your sheets…your breath smells like vodka, gimlet juice and recently expired good times…then through that thick musky mouth concoction you’ve been exhaling you then get a whiff of the this sweet familiarly unfamiliar scent…you know you’ve smelt it before, but you can’t remember when or where…after a couple blinking exercises your eyes start to get acclimated to your dimly lit surroundings…you start to stretch your extremities…and while extending your right leg it happens…your big toe clashes into the freshly shaven (or never shaven) calf of the familiar scent’s owner…enter shame… Read more of this post