if i should die tonight…

be ye not afraid (that’s bible talk) for this post is not nearly as morbid as the title makes it sound…i was simply sitting around examining my 99% unpacked apartment and started honing in on some  odd patterns that i’ve established as i’ve bounced from domicile to domicile…a few things that would make any MIB clean up crew scratch their heads in the event that i was ever abducting by aliens or something…

my stash of single socks…yes, in my sock drawer there is an area designated for my divorced socks…everyone knows that some where between the rinse cycle and the tumble dry, socks have a tendency to escape through some sort of underground garment railroad…well, although i’ve submitted more than my fair share of individual change of address forms, i somehow have it stuck in my mind that my single socks will one day return to their rightful owner…granted…to this date i am 0 for every sock i‘ve ever lost but i still keep the stupidity  faith…

the razorback hat…only those true arkansas fans will be able to relate to this one…where i’m from, it is tradition to wear a red fictional pig like creature on your head to support the home team…as if that isn’t confusing enough, we also “call the hogs”…which is a process that is much too embarrassing to explain…

wickless candles…they had them when they started but at some point they just went away…the same can’t be said about the candles themselves…as i keep them around while i wait for my prayers to the wick recovery gods to be answered…again…return on prayer investment is low…

player cards of obscure nba/nfl players…in my youth, i collected basketball and football cards…if i ever collected a player i knew, i would keep those cards in a nice card holder…if i didn’t know the players i would put the cards in a shoebox to hold onto just in case they ever became famous…so if you were wondering if anyone you knew had a reggie rembert rookie card…unfortunately the answer is yes…but who knows…at the age of 45, his breakout season might be right around the corner…

8 boxes of cereal…yes, i have the most extensive cereal collection this side of Kroger…probably twice as much as the bodega on the my block…

porn…nope…you won’t find any here…i donated it all to the church…on accident…in a bag that was only supposed to have old slacks and button downs…

now the floor is yours…if you knew the end was near, what would you be throwing out to avoid afterlife confusion…

elrock…it’s official…i have nothing else to talk about…

 

 

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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