play your position…

***** please allow us to welcome our first guest contributor, the homie mboogie,  to UBF *****

Today I want to break away from the insight that elrock and onetrik share and offer some dating advice from a woman’s perspective. An unfortunate situation a few weeks ago in the City of Angels got me thinking that I might need to start handing out red in-violation cards to those men who break the rules of the holleration game. While I understand that some rules are up for debate, I think there is a holy grail of dos/donts of hollering, and ‘never hover’ is definitely on that list.

So there I was, partying in the tradition of Big Meech or Larry Hoover © Rick Rawse with a drink in hand and a nice looking guy approaches me. I quickly give him a once-over: dude checks in around 5’11, decent build, nice kicks, friendly smile. I figure homie is worth chatting with…  I couldn’t have been more wrong. We chat Jamaica (10 bonus points), LA, job, travel (5 bonus points) for about 7 minutes. He asks and I provide my cell phone number so we can continue the conversation. At that point…any reasonable man would smile, say something sweet or funny, and depart and leave me with my friends…leaving me to wonder about what he said and excited about a possible follow-up meeting.

This guy missed that memo. And this would be the reason for his quick downfall. In the next 30 minutes he would lose any points that he accrued and I would immediately regret the decision to give him my cell number. Why? Because dude did NOT move…he stayed and HOVERED. Saying everything and nothing at all.

I don’t have the heart to be rude to men who approach me respectfully…so when he didn’t get the hint after a few awkward glances at the floor…I politely excused myself to the restroom…hoping that would be the last time I saw him. This would not be my lucky night. He hung slightly back from where my friends were dancing and appeared like a ninja in the night when I came back. Evidently, he felt the need to BLOCK any other possible suitors from coming to talk to me by standing there and playing the position of my man. *blank stare*

I wanted to whisper in his ear that blocking (I really felt hemmed up) in the party is not gonna be the way you win with me but I refuse to coach a grown man about rules he should have learned a decade ago.

If said situation happens…us women tend to think a number of things:

–          Your game is NOT tight

–          You are lacking in the confidence arena

–          You are thirsty

–          There is clear stalker-potential

–          There is probably definitely something wrong with you

There is a time for persistence…the initial meeting is NOT that time…but I digress…

In the next few days, he quickly racked up enough offenses of the holleration game to get him kicked out the league. I don’t have the space to go into everything nor my reactions (just know: I doubled locked my doors in case he tracked me down) …the following is a list of ways he tried to contact me after his initial hovering debacle… please keep in mind that I did not respond in any way:

–          Day 1: text

–          Day 2: Phone call, text, another text

–          Day 3: Text that he wants to take me to dinner that nite or the next

–          Day 4: Phone call, voicemail, follow-up text that he left me a voicemail

–          Day 6: Text

–          Day 6-onward: silence…finally!

I’m not lying. True story. He was doing the mostest.

So the moral of this story (if there has to be one) is for men to approach women on the strength of you—if you are the bizness—then she will pick up that phone call and none of the other men who tried to talk to her after you did that night will matter. If you hover, she more than likely will play you to the left.

Despite this unfortunate incident, I’m still in these mean streets of LA, Chicago, NY…happy to meet starters who know how to play their position. All the others who haven’t learned game rules can stay on the bench.

Ladies: How do you deal with a man who tries to hover for the night?

Men: What do you do when another guy is blocking the lady you are interested in the whole night?

mboogie

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

19 Responses to play your position…

  1. pissed! says:

    from a guy –

    you should be able to tell if he’s hovering by her demeanor towards him. if she looks like she threw up a lil in her mouth every time he tries to whisper in her ear all smooth like then yeah that mofo is about to get the mofo axe. i know this is going to sound cliche but i like to roll up like i already know her. walk and hug her like “hey you! how have you been?” then kinda look at him like (who the eff is this?!?) and ask her “can i holla at you over here for a minute?” that ALWAYS works. women be thirsty to get away from ninjas like that. get her to the side and rap for about 2.5 minutes (no longer!!! she just got out of a stalker situation. you played the relief team so dont mess that up) get the number and keep it moving.

    -@straf

  2. Cam Dub says:

    This article must be published because there are a LOT of dudes out there that just never get the memo. Granted “Mboobie” you are indeed that fly, but it’s kind of like if I give you the ill side eye shouldn’t that be enough? I too have had this experience, but I made the mistake of giving him my number in the first place. I wasn’t sure about him from the get go, but I figured I’d give him a shot (yes this was in the club). BAD MOVE!! This ninja kept tryna dance with me the whole night but to me it was obvious I just didn’t want to dance with him, it became a nuisance. Needless to say I recieved a call that early morning, and the next day, a coupla texts and neither got a response. It probably took about a week to get rid of them but then I’d get random texts here and there. I just don’t get it!

    Anyway I was literally lol-ing when I read this and feel like this needs to be broadcasted to thirsty dudes all over the planet.

    :)

  3. Thatdude says:

    Wow I feel your struggle girl. You had a Level 5 clinger alert (Vince Vaughn voice). I’m guessing he didn’t give off the thirstmonster vibe when you first started chatting. Its never good to look too pressed. If you won(got the number early) , then enjoy the night and do a follow-up goodbye at the end of the night. Well I thank him for being the inspiration for this blog. Way too many dudes perpetrate the bf role and hold another dude from hollering when he’s actually a nonfactor.

    • mboogie says:

      i lol’ed at ‘Level 5 clinger alert’…EXACTLY! Unfortunately some of these thirsty guys have learned to hide it…until its too late…le sigh…

  4. I’ve heard enough of these tragic stories. I’m sure in my less enlightened years I may have even been the lingerer. Sometimes one may get carried away and not pick up the cues that u should give a girl some space. Alcohol doesn’t help. Being direct doesn’t hurt either. if u tell dude, “Hey I’m trying to chill with my girls but we can chat later”. Maybe he’ll get the hint and move on. If he doesn’t then u really know u got a head case.
    I’ve def been the recipient of the silent treatment to texts/calls before. Don’t matter how player u think u are it happens. But hey eventually we all get the hint. First impressions are everything so one false step and any follow up moves can be doomed. To be devil’s advocate, I’d say one out of every 5 clingers answer that follow up call. Then you’ll be able to see if they are truly crazy, or just had a lapse in judgment. But who am I kidding…. Big Meech and Larry Hoover never clinged in their lives. It just ain’t gangsta! lol. #BMF

    • mboogie says:

      Big Meech and Larry Hoover DEF never clinged in their lives… they were too busy whippin work… hallelujah!

  5. dcb says:

    i’m going to go ahead and be the voice of doom here, but it’s way more than just being lame and thirsty. its a huge red flag for future problems. any man acting this possessive – after you’ve known him for all of 5 minutes – i mean, people act like there are no early warning signs for men end up being domestic abusers. this is a man who will have your body rolled up in an old rug 20 minutes after you tell him you’re moving on with your life. tuesday, you tell your girlfriends you’re thinking of breaking up with him, next thing it’s saturday and you are “missing.” folks will say they didn’t see the signs…

  6. educatedlovely says:

    msboogie, you hit the nail on the head with this one. You’re just lucky he gave up after Day 6. I’ve heard about some lingerers who take “time off” and get right back at it a few weeks later. It really is a shame. I’m hoping for your sake that the voicemails you received didn’t sound anything like this guy’s:

    What an idiot, lol.

    • mboogie says:

      LOL!!!! Madness. I too…in other instances have had instances of men taking a break and calling again…evidently the rationale is: “what if she lost her phone for a week and didnt get my vmail?” To that I always give a O_o

  7. TRene says:

    Now this is just sad. Men folk have got to do better. The consequences of being a fly girl.

  8. Sami says:

    Really tho’? How can dudes really think they are gonna win with clear and direct signs of stalkerish behavior. Do not immediately set yourself up for failure after you have already gotten the number. That was a courtesy that would never have been granted if one knew they were be semi-hemmed up for the remainder of the night. I would never be so bold.

    I cosign Cam Dub, this mos def needs to be read by all dudes who exhibit any type of thirsty tendencies or have ever had thoughts of doing so. Straight foolishness.

    Kudos to you MBoogie for the post, well done.

  9. Apack says:

    I too have fallen prey but it was OH so much worse. I made thie mistake of going on a date with one (I should have known, I had a bad feeling going into it and provided myself an out before we even met up). Unfortunately it took a YEAR of ignored phone calls and emails, (AFTER a conversation about not contacting me any more) and a follow up call where I had to REMIND him that we agreed he wouldn’t contact me before I finally got rid of him. SMH

    You gotta shut ’em down immedietly! Just be glad it only took you 6 days girl…

    • Gator says:

      A year of missed phone calls?
      Whatever happened to having your male friends answer your phone telling unwanted suitors to back off?

  10. T-lo says:

    Loved this! V. Entertaining. That said, couldn’t this whole situation have been avoided with a bit of direct communication? A simple “Nice meeting you, let’s chat later.” or a more firm “I’m hanging out with my friends for the rest of the night, I need some space.” Sure the dude is socially awkward, but I’ll take that over a master of the game any day. Its a shame that he got blackballed (no pun intended) for messing up the approach. I also think that a polite decline would have been preferable to simply not answering his attempts at communication. That said, yes, he should have stopped way before Day 6. Better luck next time to both parties!

  11. Pingback: from the bottom of our hearts… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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