the jeter effect…

The homie sdotkikko brought this interesting interwebs link to my attention last week. Apparently someone over at The Sporting News got the genius idea to create an article of various images showing the highlights of Derek Jeter’s past conquests (or at least the celebrity ones that we know of as I’m sure there have been a few dimey waitresses/bottle servers/strippers that went unnoticed)…

Following a careful perusal (and 7 minutes of some alone time), I was left hating Jeter. It is one thing to be an athlete and have all your heart’s desires at your fingertips. But Mr. 3000 hits isn’t satisfied with that and feels the need to bed the majority of Maxim’s Top 100 Women list. It almost feels like a personal attack. The only way it could be worse is if he did it to my family tree…

After my hating spree ended, I began to think about how we as a society were even subjected to this. Aren’t athletes supposed to offset their silver spoon fed lives by making ridiculously poor decisions and then suffer through some sort of consequences that leave us commenting on their ignorance? We can probably just call it the Tiger condition at this point as I don’t see an athlete taking that title any time soon. But evidently DJ has some sort of antibiotic that makes him immune to this…

So if his cure works for athletes, then it probably has some application for those of us sitting in front of a computer on this fine Monday. Let’s think about how he has been able to do his best teflon impersonation… Read more of this post

when those guys become ‘That Guy’…

New York- ‘concrete jungle where dreams are made of’ blah blah blah. The city that never sleeps is soon turning into the city where nobody ever settles down. As of 2008, the national median age for women to get married was 26. For men it was 28. This was the oldest recorded since the census started keeping track in the 1890s. I imagine in New York City, one must add at least 10 5 years to those numbers in order for them to start sounding believable. Being old a mature single is widely accepted and embraced in cities such as New York, and if we use onetrik’s proclivity for not settling down as a litmus test, Los Angeles as well.

However, the idea that you do not see marriage in your near future does not mean it’s acceptable to be ‘That Guy’. Who is “That Guy”, you wonder? I’ll explain. ‘That Guy’ is that old-ish dude at the club that younger women mistake for somebody’s lecherous uncle.  Remember when you were in your early twenties and you saw someone with slightly outdated clothing at a table buying bottles, inviting pretty young thangs over to share his wealth and thinking he was ‘Doing it’, when really everyone else thought he was just old? This blog is dedicated to ‘That Guy’ and UBF’s dedication to making sure ‘He’ isn’t YOU. Read more of this post

the g-code…

kobe bryant is arguably the best player in the league today, but i hate him…not in the“if i see him i would attempt to do him physical harm” sense…let’s face it…he’s 6’6”, works out about 344 more days a year than i do and hangs with ron artest…chances are, that just wouldn’t be a good look for me…but back in the summer of 2003, he broke one of the cardinal rules…he cheated on his wife…ha…just kidding…all athletes do that (athlete being defined as any man who can)…but in the waning moments of his first brush with the law, an obviously shook bryant, let the description of another man’s transgressions escape from his lips as he told the eagle, co police what his, then teammate, shaq did to prevent such problems from getting blown out of proportion…this was in direct violation gentlemen’s code 64C section 8 paragraph 21 which states that…well…you shouldn’t do that…so that explains why i never shake mr. mamba’s hand during the pregame when our teams meet annually on christmas day…well that and the fact that we generally aren’t in the same building and sometimes aren’t even on the same coast…oh yeah…and i don’t really have a team…all beside the point…i thought it might be important to review the gentlemen’s code and call out some of the major offences so that future nba stars don’t see their careers spiral horribly into 8 additional carats and 2 additional nba championships like my arch nemesis…

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