“good” guys gone bad…

we’ve been all over the news recently…and by we, i mean they…you know the cats that seem to have it all but are willing to throw it away for old school hispanny (hispanic nanny) booty…ahem gov. schrwarzenegger…or a chance to use the ‘where’s my wiener’ app on his not so smart phone…

what makes a man with so much to lose seem so eager to lose it…i believe that scientist would call it stupidity, however i feel there is more than just a malfunctioning noodle loaf at play here…

what further complicates things, is that it’s not all men of power…when you examine the love lives of derek jeter and tom brady whom have run through hollywood like the juggernaut through…well…pretty much anything…yet have somehow never ended up sitting behind the “i’m stupid” microphone at the “i’ve embarrassed my family and my organization” press conference…

so if it’s not stupidity, then what else could cause these societal icons to engage in such risky foolishness…i thought you’d never ask…oh you didn’t…well listen anyway… Read more of this post

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what about your friends…

Those of you on twitter are most definitely aware that the annual BET awards took place last night. Some of you may have even forfeited hours of your life to sit through them in addition to the running tweet commentary. I, on the other hand, couldn’t find where Time Warner keeps the stereotype affirming channels so I missed out…

*gets down off of soap box*

However, the byproduct of the ‘awards’ show that I was unable to elude is that my place of stomping is the city that selected the shortest straw and became host to this circus of an event. As with all black events, there were parties, pre-parties and post-parties. Given my affinity for the night life, I was convinced into participating in one of these associated gatherings. The night ended up coming in as a solid seven on the overall good times scale but the true gift of the evening was the above average people watching. Now LA is known for giving inordinate amounts of ‘style’ but this weekend the style got turnt up…

While commenting on our fellow party goers, my drinking compatriots and I came to an interesting insight: where are these people’s friends? Assuming they roll with individuals that possess sight and voice faculties, there is no way in the world that we should be seeing this person in such atrocious attire. How am I so certain of this you may be wondering? Take a walk with me through the following scenario… Read more of this post

size matters…

After reading Elrock’s fantastically…interesting post yesterday and Onetrik’s  also quite…informative one from the day before…I realized we were doing THAT this week. It’s that type of week. We are going there. Perfect. I’ve been dying meaning to mention this one for a while and I can’t think of a better way to start my Friday…so here’s my upfront disclaimer/warning/spoiler alert. If you are squeamish, prudish or otherwise adverse to conversations about the penis, I suggest you keep it moving. *lets all men close their browser window*

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s start this conversation with an interesting fact. Only 1.8% of the male population is 8 inches or over. So. Before the fellas start claiming Mandingo status, why dont we just shut that down right now. That’s. Not. Likely. Read more of this post

the color of love…

the other night i was watching single ladies and wishing i would’ve invested the extra loot for 3D…and i really do mean watching…as in no sound, just a lot of pretending that all of stacey dash’s dialogue was a series of haikus professing her love for me…

as anyone who has ever viewed the show knows, there is limited acting ability a white chick in the cast as well…one who likes black men…so much that to the dismay of her husband and black women all across america, she went all nelly air force one-ish and order 2 pairs of black daddy sacks…

and one of them was common the mayor…gasp…i know…

the purposeful mixing of  the races is an oft discussed and much disagreed upon topic within our community…and many single bitter black women seem to find that subject fairly touchy…so i decided to grope the hell out of it today…

as legend has it, once a black man achieves a certain level of success in life (apparently one that is higher than mine), one of his rewards is the ability to make kids with good hair…now as much as i would like to believe that my next raise will be accompanied by a set of size c’s of any color, i would have to believe that giving away women violates some corporate law or statute…with this as my baseline belief, and after a few conversations with cats that have decided to travel the milky way, i would like to offer up some other possible reasons why these well to do brothers might be choosing megan fox over meagan good… Read more of this post

small cakes…

I blame Nicki Minaj…

Granted she wasn’t the first to hit the scene with ridiculous amounts of posterior dexterity. Sure Ms. Jenkins from Friday and the video hofessional from ‘the way you move’ video preceded Ms. Minaj but she (regardless of rumored artificial gains) is today’s poster child for junk in the trunk. Therefore she receives the lion’s share of the blame…

What is this blame attributed to you may be asking yourself?

The extinction of the small cakes. You see Ms. Young Money and her other dwarf smuggling compatriots are responsible for the removal of women with as (yes there is an s missing) from the consideration set of many young gentlemen callers. With the rampant acceptance and adoption of booty injections, you’d think that having a small donk was similar to small breasts aka a bad thing…I kid elrock…

I’m here today to make a case for those of you out there reading this while you sit on the bottom of your back. I’m speaking up for those that make a thong look like boy shorts. For anyone that had to sit out ‘doing the butt’, this is for you… Read more of this post

whose your daddy…

While reading the twitter timeline & facebook feed on Sunday, I couldn’t help but notice how many of my friends and followers were tweeting about Father’s day. And not necessarily their own fathers. I had at least ten “Oh damn, I didn’t know he had a kid” moments…which led me to another observation…

Many of the “Daddies” in question were those same dudes tweeting/status updating/texting me about their un-readiness for relationshipville. From asking a few homies my detailed research, I’ve garnered that most of the commitment-phobe dudes that I know often cite the increased ‘responsibility’ of being in a relationship as one of the major downsides. Yesterday, elrock schooled us on all the things Daddies are responsible for. It’s an interesting list, but it also made me wonder… Read more of this post

the daddy code…

as i took my customary sunday seat at the sizzler yesterday, i realized that it was a bit more active than usual…in my hurry to scarf down my steak and malibu chicken i started to notice that there were an inordinate amount of dudes at the big s…in the a, that can mean one of two things…either they’ve introduced another gay friendly weekend that they forgot to tell me about or it was father’s day…given the overabundance of ugly neckwear, i was fairly certain it was the latter…

now i don’t have any kids that i know of ,although i do hope to one day accidentally impregnate solange’s sister on purpose since jay seems to be dragging his feet have a few little blog readers of my own…but just like most of the stuff we write about, i didn’t think that should prevent me from being able to list out a few duties that these cats should be handling throughout the year to earn this crisscrossed grilled goodness…so wannabe dads go grab your pens so you can copy this list verbatim… Read more of this post

this call is brought to you by [insert liquor]…

So ubf fam it appears that Mr. Drizzy has used one of my favorite weekend past times as inspiration for a single called Marvin’s Room off of his upcoming album. For those not feeling inclined to click the link, Toronto’s finest provides an ode to drunk dialing.

As our fellow libation enthusiasts know, drunken dialing is an art form. You spend the night consuming your preferred choice of courage juice and then failing to realize that you’ve gone past the minimal threshold of confidence all the way into a-hole territory which is obvious to everyone but you. Your new address on a-hole lane makes it impossible to successfully convince anyone at your current venue to go home for a round of ‘so you think you can pelvic thrust’ so you go to your cell phone for additional contestants. Then our favorite microeconomics theory…supply vs demand…begins. The night plays out as you wait to see if the supply of hunch partners in your phone can outlast your failed drunken demands err requests for company in birthday suit attire…

If this process works out in our favor at a high enough percentage over a large enough sample size, we continue to resort to these tactics on semi-regular (read as weekly) basis. Over time we collect success and failure stories that seem to entertain others equally and today I’m here to share three of those with all of you before Drake rips them off in his remix… Read more of this post

beware of the singletons…

Summertime in New York is great for socializing, drinks rooftop bbqs and of course, new friendships. One of the greatest things about this city is that there are so many untapped reservoirs for us, bottles and friends. I pride myself on two core characteristics as a woman in new ‘we’ve decided not to hate each other even though we both might be considered attractive’ zonage.  The first being that I am extremely friendly- almost unnaturally so. The second is that I try not to be what I hatefully refer to as the “We We Chic”. I.e., that chic that every other word, sentence, phrase, breath or thought of speaking starts with “We” in order to let the world know that she isn’t one of those single girls.

Since “We” was just “Me” for a good portion of my life, I know how insensitive it can be to force my significant other on every girl I meet when maybe she’s just looking for a new female friend. Unfortunately, in my quest to be a good potential homette, I missed one of the cardinal rules of new female friendships: Be an adequate wingwoman. Read more of this post

what happens in the d.r. stays in the d.r. part 2…

yeah...they make them like this down there...

so you decided to come back…great…

when we last spoke, our protagonist (me) had scratched off the letters of his moral compass and was on his way into the murky depths of the dominican muffin shopping district…

the first thing i learned is that there is a difference between a disco and a night club…both spots have “merchandise” for sell but the night club is like going to the sock aisle to find a new pair of socks while the disco is like trying to find some serviceable socks from your dirty clothes hamper…

in addition, although the black media mafia (i’m pretty sure that doesn’t exist but i thought it sounded pretty menacing so i couldn’t throw it out) would have you believe that places like the d.r. cater mostly to black dudes with a little ding-ding extra money to blow…i can say that we were outnumbered by about 3 to 1 by the middle-aged europeans…and every continent was represented…well…except antartica…but that’s probably because brazil is much closer… Read more of this post