why i drink…9/30…

summer is done and so are most of our vacation days…instead of adding layers we like to spend more time with the bottle and here are a few excuses…we mean reasons for indulging in the questionable life choices juice…

+ pulling up behind driver with what seemed to be amazing and long hair to realize it is a dude and having to instantly change my holla eyes into needing directions eyes…

+ not only did someone make a ‘is my son gay’ app but someone actually paid to download it…

+ a week away from running 13.1 miles while a stranger holds a stop watch and onlookers (not running) hold up signs with mildly humorous one liners for inspiration… Read more of this post

y’all broke up…and he doesn’t care…

look at him over there on his own facebook page with his drink, his 2-step and his flock o’ floozies…bastard…how could he possibly be out there having this much fun with the stench of the break up conversation still floating through the air…it’s like he never really cared at all…

because he didn’t…

ok…i’m just playing…he did…and he probably still does…but the way in which he expresses it will show up in forms that are not easily recognized my the female mind…

as we’ve mentioned here a few times(read as every other day or so) men and women wired a little differently…women tend to see a break up as a time to: Read more of this post

not just another garden tool…

The ubf fellows took to the streets of nyc this past weekend and as always the good times commenced. I’ll get to some of those good times in my next posts but right now I need to spend the next few days cleaning myself of mouth herpes (learned that evidently somewhere between 65-90% of people have it and I’m venturing a guess I’m not in the talented tenth on this one) and other commonly spread epidemics that you get from public transportation…

During one of our pre-awesome sessions with the homies, we stumbled onto a gem of a topic…hoes…

It started with first defining what makes a person a hoe…it was no surprise we had countless different answers and feelings towards those exhibiting hoe tendencies…here are a few of the opinions on you might be a haeux if… Read more of this post

attack of the body art…

it has often been said that tattoos are like posturpedic partners…they are permanent and once you get too many of them, people start to call you loose…ok…well maybe it hasn’t been said that often and i, for one, believe that this is part of the problem…

let me start by saying, i am actually a fan of a little female body art…the key word in there being “little”…i can’t count the number of times i’ve been pleasantly surprised by some well placed decorative ink sprinkled about the torso…oh wait…when i say it like that it makes me sound promiscuous…so yes i can count and the number is 4 (because that sounds pretty low)…but i can also count those times when i was surprised by a full set of bat wings or the entire 2nd verse to wind beneath my wings (and it was only partially beneath her wing)…

this has lead me to believe that some additional tattoo etiquette education may be in order…and giving our insatiable need to educate the public on topics that they have no desire to learn, here are a few things you can do to keep from looking like weezy in your nighty… Read more of this post

why i drink…9/23…

we find ourselves on the cusp of another weekend and what better way to get it started than a round of reasons to have a few rounds of your favorite liquid bad decision enablers…

+ gas pump turned off not because my car was full but because I didn’t have enough in my bank account…

+ evidently forbes mag predicted the first hip hop billionaire and it wasn’t me…

+ makes my judgmental ways more entertaining… Read more of this post

for the love of ray j…

I was all set to tackle an all important issue like why breast implants are never a bad idea with today’s post but the large amounts of #tougherthanrayj tweets made me realize that I had to devote today’s rant to the vh1s second favorite little black man…

For those of you unfamiliar with willie junior, here is a quick rundown…best known as the real life little brother of moesha aka brandy…not as well known is that he is also the first cousin to calvin broadus aka snoop dogg…but his biggest claim to fame (or infamy) is still being responsible for kim kardashian…not in the birthing sense but more in the I saw your sex tape so now I want to buy sketchers that you endorse sense…

Well evidently he wasn’t too appreciative of ms kardashian’s continual upstaging of him so he decided to go the rapper route and do something that gets the po-po called for attention…insert the guinness world record for the first ever celebrity twitter-fued with an actual rapper, fabolous (his spelling not mine), that led to a real world fisticuffs …now there are plenty of reports going around about what really happened during this altercation in vegas so we won’t waste any of your precious time on that stuff…we’ll let google handle that for us…

Instead for your entertainment purposes I’d like to talk about how poorly thought out this display of machismo by ray j really was…I know what you are thinking…any man that is horizontally acquainted with a post ’98 whitney houston after bedding kim k should only be allowed to wear velcro shoes and jackets that let him hug himself really hard…while you are correct, but let’s assume for argument’s sake that he wasn’t short on common sense in addition to height… Read more of this post

if i should die tonight…

be ye not afraid (that’s bible talk) for this post is not nearly as morbid as the title makes it sound…i was simply sitting around examining my 99% unpacked apartment and started honing in on some  odd patterns that i’ve established as i’ve bounced from domicile to domicile…a few things that would make any MIB clean up crew scratch their heads in the event that i was ever abducting by aliens or something…

my stash of single socks…yes, in my sock drawer there is an area designated for my divorced socks…everyone knows that some where between the rinse cycle and the tumble dry, socks have a tendency to escape through some sort of underground garment railroad…well, although i’ve submitted more than my fair share of individual change of address forms, i somehow have it stuck in my mind that my single socks will one day return to their rightful owner…granted…to this date i am 0 for every sock i‘ve ever lost but i still keep the stupidity  faith… Read more of this post

why i drink fridays…9/16…

 welcome to the weekend because if you are reading this then you’ve already mentally checked out of your job…the ubf crew decided that since elrock finally rejoined the work force and onetrik has yet to win a paternity test, we should celebrate by bringing back #whyidrink fridays…feel free to pile on your adds in the comments section but in the meantime let’s get started with what has us drinking this weekend…

+ found a surprise drinking buddy when fall showed up unannounced and quite frankly unappreciated in nyc today…

+on payday i like to take my check straight to the liquor store, ever bottle purchased is a worthwhile investment some future bad idea/tweet…

+ i need something to pour out when my phone dies…again…come on iPhone 5… Read more of this post

smushed green grass…

I know what many of you think…man I wish I could live that single life of elrock …

Aside: I too have been there I must admit…

Even if you can’t reach elrock status, your best efforts will show (as my post from last week tried to illustrate) that it takes a very serious commitment to enjoy the fruits of singledom labor…to further this point I have a tale from my weekend …you see while the yard may look full of bountiful green grass over there on the solo dolo side, it can often times get crumpled under life’s feet of less than desirable experiences…

On this particular evening, I was invited out by a friend to a games night…being a Taboo master, I was compelled to defend my crown but  I found myself tired leading up to the evening’s main event….hoping to gather my energy through the form of tiddlywinks coppage, I opted for a pre-game nap…after underestimating my tiddlies level, I slept approximately two hours longer than the original plan…after recognizing that I was on my couch and not Paula Patton’s as my dream had led me to believe, I went into quick preparation mode for the evening…also known as t-shirt, jeans and js…I share this seemingly meaningless paragraph of details to bring to life the lack of care that went into my appearance…

Luckily I arrived to my friend’s abode prior to the all important taboo team selection but I seemed to have missed the section of the night where everyone says their name through an interpretive chant and dance…as a true games participant I put aside my lack of social media linkage to 53% of the room and we jumped right into the game… Read more of this post

Guest Post: Feminism Fatigue

ladies and gents out there in ubf land, once again proving that we are an equal opportunity depository of foolishness, allow us to introduce to you our partner in lines anani miss…more of her work can be found here…enjoy…

Picture this. It’s 2000.  Beyonce Knowles is just a girl who wears really ugly, really sparkly outfits missing really key pieces of fabric in really random places.  She sings a song about independent women.

Being 21, with my first job and paying my first car note, what did I do when said song came on?  I almost dislocated a shoulder attempting to throw my hands up at them.  I didn’t need no man, because I could get down like that.  I just needed me (well, and my mom to cosign for my car.)

I wanted to run the world.

Picture this.  It’s 2011.  The Patron Saint of Girl Power is just a mother-to-be finally able to afford clothes with enough fabric to cover her entire body.  She sings a song about girls running the world.

Being 32, way beyond my first job and paying off an infinite amount of grad school student loans, what did I do when said song came on?  I thought, “Ummmm, about that, B.  Running the world sounds like it might be too much work.” Read more of this post