random relations…the inaugural voyage…

Thanks to David Stern’s affinity for 50% instead of 48%, I found myself watching a mediocre sitcom this week. One of the characters found himself struggling with the internal battle of partaking in meaningless coitus with another female character. This not so great entertainment brought back memories of my first foray into those same non-committed belly smacking waters…

As always, let’s make sure we are on the same page with a creatively worded yet slight vague definition of what makes relations random. The ingredients tend to include: two individuals extremely attracted to each other sometimes unbeknownst to the male + jack daniels + nighttime + some date related activity + jack daniels + no previous knowledge of birthmarks hidden by undergarments + limited conversation to reveal shortcomings/deal breakers + jack daniels…

While I’m not going to divulge how long ago this took place to protect those incriminated, it did happen during my days of needing to check the expiration date of my emergency prophylactic stash because as the always in a relationship guy, I tended to spend my non boo’d time as an avatar alien in my shorts.  Lucky for my loins, those periods of time were usually relatively short…

With that setup, it is time to grab your favorite salty snack for story time…I’ll wait…

It was my first date with a young lady I became acquainted with the weekend before at a happy hour. After a few rounds of drinks and awkward chit chat, I realized she was not going to be invited back for round two of ‘can you be my lady’. But the sun was still out so I decided not to end things so abruptly…oh and she was fun to look at. Then almost like clock-work, she suggested we head back to her place. I had to drop her off there any way so I figured it couldn’t be that bad of an idea and had potential for some mouth smashing…can you say win/win…

Once we got to her place, I began to think her a/c was broken as she slipped into something a little more comfortable and revealing aka her bare skin. Again this played to her strengths and simultaneously her conversational weaknesses were forgotten. As we ran past mouth smash lane, I was made aware that she most likely enjoys petting zoos but I was filling in for the animals. Then she made it apparent that she had no intentions of stopping there…

Since this blog is more BET than cinemax, I’ll fast forward through the more birthday suit related parts that took place. But about seven minutes later, when I should have been reaching for the celebratory cigar, having gatorade poured over me and directing the school band…I instead was left confused. Given I had just popped my random virginity, I wasn’t 100% sure what was to take place next. Was she now my girlfriend? Do I pat her on the butt and say nice game? Where does she keep her post romping towels? Should we trade performance grades? As you can see more questions than answers were going through my head…

She ended up being rather chill about it and allowed me to grab some unavoidable tiddlywinks before collecting my things and heading home. We talked on the phone a few more times and occasionally ran into each other while out given a few mutual friends but didn’t find ourselves between linens again…which left me to realize some good life learnings…1) not every girl you go out with wants to be your lady; 2) more importantly women are aware of your getting it chances fairly early on…

By no means am I attempting to slander this young lady or anyone that has found themselves in this scenario. As 3 stacks so eloquently put it, ‘it lets me know you know what you want out of life’…and we all really know the only bad person is David Stern and the other NBA team owners that caused this trip down memory lane…

onetrik…she won’t but then again maybe she will…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

2 Responses to random relations…the inaugural voyage…

  1. SdotKikko says:

    I approve of any Story where my guy is able to partake in much needed tiddlies.

  2. Sou My says:

    Hellooooooooooooooo! This is like the longest vacation ever, you all ever coming back?

    (tear)

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