coming out of the drawer…

so ya guy (that’s me) recently returned home from my summer in the great and expensive northeast and in the process of returning home and unpacking, i randomly decided to clean out the bottom drawer of my nightstand (because i really hate unpacking)…you know the one you only look into every 4 – 5 months or when the top drawer inconveniently runs out of something very important that, in the moment you are hoping like hell somehow made its way into that bottom drawer…there were a couple things that had been in there for years that i didn’t really need but thought someone else probably could’ve used…while quickly completing this mindless exercise i was reminded of a recent conversation i had about relationship ironies…it’s the little tricks the universe continues to play on us…you know like the:

boy 1 meets girl 1…

boy 1 likes girl 1…just not as much as boy 1 likes girl 2…

girl 2 entertains boy 1 but really likes boy 2…

while boy 2 likes boy 1/girl 3…

and so on…(i’ll give you a second while you chart that out) Read more of this post

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got single? pt 1…get a better claw…

For those of you not up on your CNN game, you missed a data filled report released a few weeks back on the amount of single people in the country. I’ll take a quick refill break to let you go read it.

“Mm. I love scotch. I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down. Down into my belly. Mm-mm-mm.”

The good news is you aren’t alone in your singledom. The bad news is you aren’t alone in your singledom. I was actually surprised to read that there were 88 men for 100 single women. Once you factor in all of Tiger’s chics (athletes in general), the homewreckers (insert your favorite R&B singer) focused on men outside of the 88 and Ellen, I’d say we are pretty much 1 to 1 in most cases which means there is a chance. And ubf is all about improving chances.

Given my over-indexing exposure to those 48 million or so single women (draw your own conclusions), I’ve put together my own thoughts on what you can do to join the 57% of Americans in happily ever after with the white picket fence and what not.

Today I’ll focus on one of those: Get a better claw. Read more of this post

some more stuff that we love but you don’t…

so yesterday we looked at how video games were probably keeping your boyfriend from doing a wide range of other dangerous/stupid ish, but in hindsight there are actually a few more of men’s favorite things that should also be removed from the “girlfriend’s most hated” list…

of course these are all assumed to be in moderation…

– watching sports – in my mind i’m the greatest average basketball player ever…at 6’8” that earns you a couple tag along championship rings and a cool few million a la adam morrison…however, at 6’0” that earns you a spot on the bench in your living room…so for the love of powder white baby jesus can i please enjoy my athletic mediocrity in peace…

– watching porn – what exactly is the problem with a fella sitting back to enjoy the dynamic dialogue and riveting plots of baby got back volume 52…i am actually doing this as a favor for you… i know you had a rough day at work and you expelled all of your energy explaining to me in excruciating detail how much you hate every last one of your co-workers…so rest peacefully…once i’m done here i’ll check the scene for Read more of this post

all fun and games…unless you don’t like fun and games…

This past weekend, I was granted access to a single ladies’ discussion which covered a number of diverse topics. To my surprise, one that caused a little debate amongst the Beyonce disciples was whether or not they enjoyed the company of a guy that plays videogames.

As I’ve stated previously, I don’t trust any male under 40 that has never played videogames. I assume he is a robot sent here from another planet meant to suck the good times out of any group setting with boring distractions and then take our beautiful single ladies back to his planet. It’s just a theory.

The group’s opinions varied from: “He shouldn’t play games as they were made for children”…”He can play them as long as I’m not around”…”I like games and want to play them with him”…in other words, there was no consensus. Now the lack of agreement on a dating topic among a group of single women didn’t surprise me. It was the amount of displeasure expressed towards videogames while, based on the other stories in the discussion, seemingly worse things were tolerated. Read more of this post

grown by the weekend…

there comes a time in every man’s life when he wants to dirty dance with someone other than himself… in order to make that happen you have to make sure you have removed most if not all of the barriers that currently have you stuck “in manual”…let’s assume you’re a late bloomer and are still struggling to garner the attentions of the fairer sex… onetrik poked you in the eyes a few weeks ago with a list of lame dude don’ts so we thought it only fair to hit you with a few easy steps you can take to have your sexual revolution extend past the doors of your mother’s basement…so step number Read more of this post

yes I am simple…it is as simple as that…

Blame the media…or the lack of good gangsta rap…or the start of another work week…or some other random reason of your choosing…but I feel like starting a little blog beef so bear with me…

Side Note: By no means does the following imply that ubf supports blog on blog crime.

Today I came across our homie over at for single girls latest post.  I highly recommend you going to check it out or else the following may not make much sense. My apologies for the extra reading today but consider it back to school reading…it won’t matter come September either.

So as you read (or didn’t and expect me to summarize for you), fsg disputes the concept that men are simple. Well based on extensive knowledge gained through my lifetime membership in the club, I’m here to point out why she is wrong and in fact prove men are truly simple. Read more of this post

signs that you might be the one…

hey you…love hunter…up there in that single tree…all camouflaged up in your leopard dresses and tiger striped undies…trying to track down that illusive meaningful relationship…we all know that this dating game is tricky…but remember, we’re experts and all of our joy is harvested on the knowledge that some of our love challenged readers may someday find themselves frolicking freely in some public park eating organic fruits while listening to the smooth sounds of esperanza spalding staring longingly into each others eyes afraid to blink because you don’t want to miss a second of your significant others existence…or something like that…we’d like to provide a few clues that you can use to determine if you might actually be getting closer to that relationship you’ve been tracking for a few weeks/months/years (i’m pretty sure that last one is technically called stalking and there are probably legal documents to that effect)…
Read more of this post

status infractions…

It appears we have a new epidemic making its way through the interwebs. As usual, it is up to the good people of ubf to put an end to this before it gets out of hand. Scratch that. It is already out of hand and I blame us for not calling foul on this prior to today.

***insert soap box***

With the abundance of social media tools asking “What’s on your mind?”, “What’s happening?”, “Share what you’re thinking”, etc., it seems today’s generation of the underworked and overpaid have more than enough venues for getting their status rocks off. This abundance has created a digital sea of self-serving nothingness throughout my favorite stalking destinations. How am I supposed to see those great self-portrait-twitpic-mirror-shots when my timeline is filled with pure laziness or @RevRunWisdom RTs? Read more of this post

is that really cheating…

i read somewhere (after i wrote it here) that 67% of all relationships will encounter some sort infidelity…if you believe that stat (which you probably shouldn’t) the likelihood of you finding yourself asking for answers or begging for forgiveness at some point in your life are fairly high…there has been a great deal of debate around what actually causes cheating but not as much about what it actually is…yeah we all know it includes whatever you were doing before your visitor had to grab all of their clothes and hide out on the fire escape when your spouse arrived at home unexpectedly…but those are the most blatant cases…there has to be some build up that leads to that poor man/lady dropping their underwear and dignity over that cold rail…so the question is when does the cheating actually occur…i’ve seen/heard the lines drawn in a few different places…

Read more of this post

pYt…

No pedo…but is there such a thing as too young?

Most of you actively dating are quick to point to an age range for potential tendoronis. Depending on your age, there are certain limits and minimums (unless you want a visit from Chris Hansen).  As a firm believer in the philosophies of “to each is their own”, I’m not here to knock anyone’s hustle or preferences. In short, do you.

But in the interest of a little mid-week, hump day debate, let’s talk about whether or not there is requirement for getting a shot on the onetrik dating rollercoaster.

*** Disclaimer: there are no hard fast rules on this. I hold the right to throw any and all of this dialogue out at the drop of a dime. There will always be an exception that could walk in and make me regret posting any sort of “guidelines” on this here fine blog. So don’t come back trying to rub this in my face when I’m trying to date a pvyt…pretty very young thing…I digress*** Read more of this post