ubf and 2010 walk into a bar…

2010 through the eyes of elrock…

happy new year from the ubf atl contingent where we’ll be bringing in the new year by watching the peach drop at magic city

here are the 10 things i’ve learned in 2010…in the order that they will be read on the day of the rapture…

1 – he doesn’t not like you…and we don’t not like grammar…

“most guys you are dating slot you into one of three categories: 1) He likes you; 2) He doesn’t like you; 3) He doesn’t not like you. The first two are fairly easy to recognize…Determining whether you are in the last category can be confusing (to you, not us).”

2 – a lot of women still confuse acting like you want sex with acting like you want a relationship… Read more of this post

top post 2010 #1…the enemy within…

*****And at the top spot we have elrock with the post that sparked the most debate ever seen in our comments thread. We also learned that the ladies aren’t in agreement on this one. Enjoy.*****

men are dogs…and we are destined to go through life screwing up any and all good that ever comes our way…we never know a good thing when we have it…yada yada yada… well…i have some late breaking news…it appears that while we’re racing through this life, consistently coloring outside the lines, it’s some of you that are actually supplying the crayolas…while ubf was out in these streets trying to eradicate infidelity wherever it occurred, some of you ladies have been doing your very best to thwart these efforts…i am looking at you well informed mistresses…those of you out there purposely wiping your back sweat on sheets washed by unsuspecting girlfriends and wives…you should be ashamed of yourselves…leading us to believe that these homes were out here wrecking themselves… Read more of this post

top post 2010 #2…play your position…

*****We find ourselves at the #2 spot today with our first ever guest post from mboogie. Evidently everyone liked it. The question now is will she be back in 2011.*****

Today I want to break away from the insight that elrock and onetrik share and offer some dating advice from a woman’s perspective. An unfortunate situation a few weeks ago in the City of Angels got me thinking that I might need to start handing out red in-violation cards to those men who break the rules of the holleration game. While I understand that some rules are up for debate, I think there is a holy grail of dos/donts of hollering, and ‘never hover’ is definitely on that list.

So there I was, partying in the tradition of Big Meech or Larry Hoover © Rick Rawse with a drink in hand and a nice looking guy approaches me. I quickly give him a once-over: dude checks in around 5’11, decent build, nice kicks, friendly smile. I figure homie is worth chatting with…  I couldn’t have been more wrong. We chat Jamaica (10 bonus points), LA, job, travel (5 bonus points) for about 7 minutes. He asks and I provide my cell phone number so we can continue the conversation. At that point…any reasonable man would smile, say something sweet or funny, and depart and leave me with my friends…leaving me to wonder about what he said and excited about a possible follow-up meeting. Read more of this post

top 2010 post #3…hello…the endangered greeting…

*****As we continue down memories lane of 2010’s top post, we go all activist on #3 in the honor of a lost word. Make sure you check back Friday for ubf’s take on what we learned in 2010.*****

Last weekend, I came to the realization that “hello” may be the latest victim of becoming extinct. No seriously. We need to get a hold of the greetings equivalent of PETA. Petitions need to be signed. Sit-ins planned. The time is now for us to stand up on behalf of all those “hellos” lost to never be seen again…

Ok off of my soapbox for a second to explain the condition I’m referring to. While sitting in a restaurant with the homie morningjoi, we witnessed a young gentleman approach a table of 4 women next to us. While this is not suprising as the table featured a beautiful collection of young ladies, the surprise was his tactic of choice used to garner attention that would hopefully lead to coitous. Read more of this post

top 2010 post #4…say bye bye…

*****As we bring the 2010 year to a close, ubf is taking a moment to highlight our top posts from the year for those that may have missed a rant or two. In addition, be sure to check back on Friday for our joint post for the 2010 year.*****

Ok kids, I have a confession. I’m single-ish. What does that mean? It means that I’m never really single.  I always have 2 or 3 or 5 men on deck. I like to refer to my “Team” in football terms. Quarterback. First string. Bench warmer.  This weekend I was reminded why every woman should keep a few second string/bench warmers on deck. My QB was acting a damn fool.

Onetrik & I have been having a healthy debate on which city is better (LA or NY) and given my proclivity for lining up dates like a stack of dominoes, I’m inclined to think I’m winning. You see, he has dates. But he also has the check at the end of the night. He meets girls at the club. But he also is financing the bottle service. He’s a single man with a career, marginally good looks and a fun personality.  That makes him  one out of hundreds in Los Angeles. I’m an attractive single woman without a muffin top, decent size t & a, a career, a house no roommates, a car, can cook and likes “variety” in her sexy times. That makes me one out of thousands in New York.  I’m winning. But I digress.  My point is- Ladies, We Have Options. Read more of this post

what she had meant to do…

As someone who has gotten on and subsequently off the merry-go-round of ‘your booty is the only one these hands will touch’, I’ve experienced countless reasons for ending what facebook pictures made look like a happy going steady scenario. They don’t always end because she decided it was in fact not mine at all but instead more like a redbox movie that should be shared. Sometimes it comes down to timing which means I should have met her when I was in a susceptible emotional state that made me more likely to settle. Or it can be a distance thing where her best qualities are lost along with my luggage on those frequent cross country treks.

But the most surprising and disappointing straw to break the boo’d up camel’s back has to be that of misguided intentions. For those not sure what I’m talking about, I’ll go to the old faithful sports analogy. It is similar to if you are watching your fantasy football running back break for a 60 yd run…with a chance to score…in the final 2 minutes of the 4th quarter…during monday night football…while you are down by 7pts…in your league’s championship game…and he decides to get his best desean jackson on…and fumble to the other team…that is able to kneel the game out. He had the best intentions of freeing his hands asap for the pending dance of jubilation but unfortunately the lack of actually scoring the touchdown make the celebratory gyration useless unless he’s hoping to moonlight as a dallas cowgirl (which I know isn’t much different that the current cowboys team).

Still not sure what the hell today’s written mumbling is about? Read more of this post

you go first…

a few days ago onetrik took you through that expectations conversation and how it probably didn’t go exactly the way you planned it, but let’s pretend for a minute, that he actually heard and cared about your portion of that exchange and now you have been able to convince him to exert the necessary extra effort…you two have shared more than a few movie/meal combos…you’ve also engaged in a few pheromone sniffing sessions…and somewhere between the inhales,  you two “likebirds” have convinced facebook to let you connect your profiles through that ironclad relationship status change…

one night, while watching him drive his index finger up his nostril in search of respiratory relief, you realize that you really really like him…even more than that dude derwin from ‘the game’…that thought even entering your mind is a clear indication that you have actually left “like-ville’s” parking lot and are actually on your way to that other ”L”spot… Read more of this post

mine mine mine…

“Whose is it?”  What in blazing hell insecurity is this question about? Should I be flattered? Insulted? Scared? This new actor in my sexy times has caused confusion and trepidation. For those who are so inclined- much like many relationship conundrums: if you have to ask, it’s usually a bad sign.

 

Lately, I have been wondering why every guy I have dated over the past few years decided to bring this particular action figure to bed with us. Mr. “I Own You” is not a welcome player. While some women may be flattered by his appearance, I am always perturbed when I have to lie think or answer questions during my sexy times.

 

I am not sure how many women get asked this question or how many men find themselves doing the asking, but I decided to take this particular quandary to the streets. In order to find an answer- a reason why this specific question went from recurring to contract during my after dark games, I decided to poll some of my male friends. Read more of this post

some things don’t change…

Cheers to the homies…they are 2 for 2 on lobbing up Nicki Minaj booty-sized topics right on my facebook wall for me to tackle…and cheers to me if you just got a mental picture of her booty being lobbed…

This week I received a link to an article written by a college guy explaining the topic of “let’s just be friends”. The author did a good job defining the situation and even giving guide posts for how ladies (or gents that may find themselves in this awkward place) should trek through the offered friendship…all in all…it was a solid post with some good takeaways…

Well if you are looking for any more sound advice, you should probably stop reading now and come back tomorrow for marcie’s post told by lolita…because today all I have is a vent disguised as a rant told from a high place known as my soap box… Read more of this post

my life on the wing…

the most interesting man in the world is my idol…that is if it’s even possible to idolize people who only exist in beer commercials…a few days ago, i saw the dos equis commercial where he laid out his take on wingmen stating “it only takes one person to talk to a woman”…disappointment ran through me like an ill prepared pork chop…the grey bearded, ever cool, all knowing guy whom i had looked up to from my couch, had, in 11 words completely misinterpreted and undermined the most important job under the disco lights aside from the ever-necessary bathroom attendant…with this in mind, i thought it only proper that i educate him and the rest of the 17 people who pay any attention to me world on the true benefit a real wingman plays… Read more of this post