beware of the singletons…

Summertime in New York is great for socializing, drinks rooftop bbqs and of course, new friendships. One of the greatest things about this city is that there are so many untapped reservoirs for us, bottles and friends. I pride myself on two core characteristics as a woman in new ‘we’ve decided not to hate each other even though we both might be considered attractive’ zonage.  The first being that I am extremely friendly- almost unnaturally so. The second is that I try not to be what I hatefully refer to as the “We We Chic”. I.e., that chic that every other word, sentence, phrase, breath or thought of speaking starts with “We” in order to let the world know that she isn’t one of those single girls.

Since “We” was just “Me” for a good portion of my life, I know how insensitive it can be to force my significant other on every girl I meet when maybe she’s just looking for a new female friend. Unfortunately, in my quest to be a good potential homette, I missed one of the cardinal rules of new female friendships: Be an adequate wingwoman. In a previous life, I was excellent at this. I would suck it up and chill with the less desirable friend of the dating target until my girl was ready to call it a night. But fast forward to these days…and that’s not really acceptable. When a guy even looks at me the wrong way, I’m saying “I have a man” faster than the micro machines guy. Unfortunately, when my new friend invited me out to the latest rooftop eatery in New York, she prefaced it by saying my initial choice wasn’t very singles friendly. “As two single women in New York, we need to put ourselves out there.” Gulp. I didn’t have the heart to tell her to speak for herself. So I cancelled the outing instead.

A wise man once told me, “Singles hang with Singles. Couples hang with Couples. Singles and Couples…that never ends well. But as time goes on, the Singles start to become extinct.” But is this really true? Will all the single people suddenly end up like the last domino? Are all friendships between singles and couples destined for failure? Let’s face it- these days people our age are single much more frequently than even 20 years ago. Should we really have single segregation, even in the year 2011? Having lived on both sides of the fence, spending much more time on the side with more traffic, I can see pros and cons to either scenario. So below are the UBF Yays and Nays for when it is or isn’t wise to leave the Singleton’s alone…

Yes – Having been the third wheel of many a homie and her unattractive man before, I can tell you that for some women, no matter how good a friend you may be or what type of non scandalous hoochie mama woman you aren’t, they will ALWAYS think somebody want’s their man. So it may be be better to chill with your equally single girls… save yourself some unnecessary drama.

No – On the flip side, my Single ladies. Assuming that said homette is normal and secure, the best way to meet Mr. Right may be through your homegirl’s man. Like the Lotto, hey, you never know.

Yes – Married people in particular have different curfews responsibilities due to the whole “Life Partner” thing. Between screaming kids, in-laws and ‘taking care of home’, these couples can be a major buzzkill. That’s a lot to sacrifice when you really don’t have to…

No – You can learn a lot from couples on what NOT to do. Take their mistakes as your unauthorized rule book and apply it to your next relationship. Save yourself a few notches on your belt or a divorce growing pains and learning experiences.

Yes – There is the feeling amongst couples, particularly from the fairer sex, that being single is going to “rub off” on them. Whether it’s their man hanging a little too tough with his on the prowl homies or their single girlfriends making a negative impression with their “unsettled ways”, it’s common knowledge that most women ensconced in relationshipville don’t want your single situations to infect them.

No – What kind of person defriends some one because they are perpetually single? That either makes you extremely insecure, lame, a bad friend or just avian like. And on the flip side, why would you only have friends that could hang out with you in a singles scene anyway? Choose your friends wisely and it won’t matter who they are or aren’t dating.

Needless to say, I’ll be rescheduling my new friend date. And I’ll do it without making her feel uncomfortable about my “We” while still respecting my own boundaries. Maybe couples and singles don’t always do the same things, but friends are friends. Being single is not a disease. And being in a relationship is not a badge of honor, either. You don’t have to be at the club to kick it with your single friends. Just because somebody jumps off a bridge doesn’t mean you have to join them…

forever straddling the fence…lolita