My name is onetrik and I’m a recovering relationship jumper.

Not familiar?

One that suffers from this condition is usually easy to identify. They are rarely (if ever) found without a significant other. In short, they treat gf/bfs like leases. As they near the end of the term, they’re out shopping for their next 36 month arrangement. Not to say all their relationships have ended because of another person, but their relationship status is like an iron with an auto shutoff feature that doesn’t work.

So now that you know what to look for, let’s talk about why you should avoid dating them (of course until they have received necessary treatment to overcome the affliction):

+ you never know if/when they are officially out of (or over) the past relationship…not to say you are the side piece…but you were (even if you didn’t know it)…they may have the best intentions of ending their current predicament but the ink won’t dry until they know for sure you will be a satisfactory replacement…which takes time…3 dates on average…so congrats on getting your A. Keyes on…Un-thinkable…I know…

+ you will not be the first (or even tenth) to meet mama dukes…they have gone as far as to install a revolving door in her garage to keep the cold air in the house…which wouldn’t be a big deal…except for mom comparing you to the ex…yeah the ex that gave better Christmas gifts than you….yeah the ex that cooked for her son and kept him from looking malnourished in those baggy smedium shirts…yeah the ex who went to med school…you get the point…

+ speaking of exes…their dating hop scotch has not given their friends/co-workers/building security man/dry cleaner/mailwoman/bank teller enough time to realize the ex is actually an ex…which is awkward for everyone but probably most awkward for you…again regardless of why they broke up you are now officially the reason…how does that home wrecker turtleneck feel…

+ due to their constant leaping…they treat relationships like a job…which is great if you were hoping to run a profitable and efficient relationship…but not so great if you were hoping for something more than a sequel to “been here done that”…similar to movies…the more sequels you have the tougher it is to keep butts in the seats…but enjoy the jujubes…

+ lastly and most detrimental to your happy ever after…there is nothing…I repeat nothing…they haven’t done with a significant other…no matter how creative you may be…that trip to a real world Jurassic Park to dig up dinosaur bones and drink rare dinosaur egg juice…they’ve done it, had a good time, checked into foursquare and uploaded the pics to facebook…but if you want to check it out I’m sure they can give you a great tour Ms. Me Too…

Now that I’ve officially scared you from dating relationship jumpers, you should know that the condition unlike cheapskatism or lameduckdom can actually be reversed. It takes extensive focus, a heightened awareness and four installments of $29.99 but results are possible.

What about you? What are your horror stories of dating commitiholics?

onetrik…formerly known as mr. my ex is standing by next…


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

4 Responses to ex-commitiholic…

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