size matters…

After reading Elrock’s fantastically…interesting post yesterday and Onetrik’s  also quite…informative one from the day before…I realized we were doing THAT this week. It’s that type of week. We are going there. Perfect. I’ve been dying meaning to mention this one for a while and I can’t think of a better way to start my Friday…so here’s my upfront disclaimer/warning/spoiler alert. If you are squeamish, prudish or otherwise adverse to conversations about the penis, I suggest you keep it moving. *lets all men close their browser window*

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s start this conversation with an interesting fact. Only 1.8% of the male population is 8 inches or over. So. Before the fellas start claiming Mandingo status, why dont we just shut that down right now. That’s. Not. Likely.

I’ll never forget being a somewhat old virgin and my best male friend informing me that “It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean.” My response? “Ya ok. That’s what guys with small — say!” Having zero true knowledge of the area, I couldn’t say for sure, but it sounded like an excuse to me.

Soooo this is one of those times I’m going to completely try to take myself out of the conversation. My opinion here will get me fired from my current situation because no guy wants to hear about your past experience is not interesting. But realistically- if size was always an issue I’m pretty sure a lot of guys would be SOL. It can’t be the main factor, right?

A couple years ago, I was getting wasted having a drink with one of my more ‘worldly’ friends. At the time, she was engaged to a man that she considered “below her station”. He didn’t look like a football player guys she usually dated. He had a good job, but wasn’t a rapper didn’t have the cheese her last man had. As she took a swig from her drink and glanced over at him talking to his boys, she said, “Man. I wish people knew how big his —- was. It would explain everything.” Ohhhh Really?

Another associate, also surprisingly engaged, got completely obliterated at a Christmas party recently. It was then that she told me how lucky I was to not be getting married. She mentioned a guy she used to date who I always said was a complete and utter cornball. “He’s WACK!” I reminded her. She laughed. And then…”But Lolita. He had the biggest —- you’ve ever seen in your life.” She then extended her arm. Welllll OK!

On the flip side, another friend of mine was dating an extremely nice, well adjusted, normal and absolutely hot young man for about six months. When it came time to do the dew, she was excited, but understandably nervous. Imagine my surprise when on the night in question, she called me in a whispered panic. “What’s the matter?!” I asked, wondering if I was going to need to go over there with the cops. Her response? “This man has a baseball bat! And it’s not in his hand, either. I’m out of here!”

I know I said I wasn’t going to throw myself into this, but what the hell. Ginormous extremities always scared the hell out of me. I don’t like Hummers. I don’t like people over 6’4″. I don’t like crowds. I don’t like XXX sized t-shirts. I’m a small person. The idea of anything supersized gives me the willies. I might be in the minority with that one. That said, I’m not a fan of extremes. I dont like too dark, too light, too tall, too short, too sweet, too salty…too much of anything is not a good look if you ask me.

Not to get clinical…but according to Wikipedia, “A study published in BMC Women’s Health surveyed women’s preferences concerning penis size and concluded that width rather than length is a more important factor of sexual stimulation”. That was some info just for the fellas working with a Napoleon type pelvic situation. I believe he was overweight, no? You can still be a feared leader…

Ladies- I want to know your opinion. Is it about the tools that the mechanic has or his expertise at using them? I have my opinion and its killing me to keep it to myself, but what’s yours? Let’s say you couldn’t have it both ways. He was either large and not in charge or svelte and “efficient” or “equitable”. Is my BFF right? Will the motion of the ocean suffice? I’m just wondering…what do yall think? At the end of the long day, different strokes for different folks…

In the great words of Al Pacino in ‘Any Given Sunday’, life is a game of inches. How do you measure up?


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

2 Responses to size matters…

  1. One of Those.... says:

    It’s a combination of the two. There is indeed such a thing as so large as to be painful, and the vast majority of us are not into -that- kind of pain (and this threshold can be passed easier than you might think). But there’s also such a thing as so small as to be not felt at all. SO, once we’ve established that there’s a happy medium involved — pun intended — that’s when we start talking about the technique. Keep in mind, too, that for us ladies there’s a lot more to it than making the bed rock. One of the most physically satisfying relationships in my life was (gasp!) 100% celibate — he wanted to save “it” for marriage. That led us to explore different ways of, uh, things, and you know what? I wish more men were like that. It becomes a combination, especially for those of us who consider the most important “organ” to be the brain….

  2. lolita says:

    Agreed- the best chemistry comes from mental stimumlation in my opinion. I never was a fan of the “extremes” you mentioned myself- everything is good in moderation hehe.

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