five steps to singledom…

The ubf staff…I can say staff even though we aren’t paid right…oh I shouldn’t tell you we don’t get paid…mea cupla…let’s start this again…ubf contributors tend to dole out recommendations for solving the various symptoms of singledom but over the life of this blog I have begun to wonder about two things: 1) what if not everyone is ready to kick their case of singledom…2) even if you were, why would you listen to a collection of individuals with their summer and winter homes residing firmly in singleville…

With that said, it seems we may have been ignoring an area of intrigue…what would be included in a recipe for solitary casserole?

Glad you asked…based on our extensive research, we find ourselves as not only members but high ranking officials in this field of dolo studies…per usual, we bring the food for thought but you have to do the dishes…

The foremost step to sustaining a lack of relationshipnal responsibility is focusing all dating related attention on individuals that fall in the unattainable category…lucky for those interested, this can take many routes such as the person can be in a previously negotiated arrangement preventing them from entering one with you…the person can be outside of your realistic wooing potential causing no real concern for ever entering any type of union…the person can be a digital avatar that only interacts with you via instant messages making a real world encounter unlikely…or whatever other folks you find in this out of bounds grab bag…

Next, you should be a hoe…and not the raking dirt kind but instead the basketball player/wife kind…increasing your promiscuous level is the equivalent of putting a condom around your dating freedom that no relationship can penetrate…it may be a tough lifestyle to adopt at first but those that are committed to remaining a party of one will find a way to endure it…

When cornered into dating occasions, you must limit them to three separate encounters in any 18 month period…common law states that on the fourth interaction all parties are entitled to bringing up ‘the talk’…doesn’t it make sense to avoid the potential for mishandling that conversation by never attending that fourth date…thought so…

As our very own elrock can attest, lack of regular income is the trump card in the game of keeping boy/girl off of your friend titles…regardless of how great the potus’ job speech was last night, people still don’t really like those without a w-2…skip a few months of deposits in the piggy bank and watch the ‘ship pressure magically disappear…

If all else fails, just don’t follow-up…nothing makes someone say f-u faster than if you don’t f-u… this can actually be accelerated by immediately responding to voicemails/text messages with status updates from your phone highlighting how much free time you have with no idea how to spend it…may seem cruel but it is a necessary step in dodging all possible hitching…

Obviously those looking to transfer to booville should avoid any and all of these measures and in most cases the opposite will yield preferred results…

Any other best practices for keeping your relationship status in a headlock??

onetrik…side effects may include loneliness, anxiety, hallucinations and drinking habits…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to five steps to singledom…

  1. Pingback: smushed green grass… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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