the jeter effect…

The homie sdotkikko brought this interesting interwebs link to my attention last week. Apparently someone over at The Sporting News got the genius idea to create an article of various images showing the highlights of Derek Jeter’s past conquests (or at least the celebrity ones that we know of as I’m sure there have been a few dimey waitresses/bottle servers/strippers that went unnoticed)…

Following a careful perusal (and 7 minutes of some alone time), I was left hating Jeter. It is one thing to be an athlete and have all your heart’s desires at your fingertips. But Mr. 3000 hits isn’t satisfied with that and feels the need to bed the majority of Maxim’s Top 100 Women list. It almost feels like a personal attack. The only way it could be worse is if he did it to my family tree…

After my hating spree ended, I began to think about how we as a society were even subjected to this. Aren’t athletes supposed to offset their silver spoon fed lives by making ridiculously poor decisions and then suffer through some sort of consequences that leave us commenting on their ignorance? We can probably just call it the Tiger condition at this point as I don’t see an athlete taking that title any time soon. But evidently DJ has some sort of antibiotic that makes him immune to this…

So if his cure works for athletes, then it probably has some application for those of us sitting in front of a computer on this fine Monday. Let’s think about how he has been able to do his best teflon impersonation…

First and foremost, he never committed to spend the rest of his life with any of them. The easiest way to not cheat on your wife is to not have one. You also can’t be expected to pay a divorce settlement if there isn’t a marriage to dissolve. Jeter’s worst case scenario is getting a new cell phone number, removing a name from the approved guest list with building security and having his pr person draft a press release for tmz…

Secondly, his persona on the field gives him credibility off of it. He is the poster boy for teamwork and selflessness compared to most athletes thought to be more concerned with the name on the back of the jersey than the one on the front. And naturally we can assume those type of personality traits must translate to his personal relationships right…

Next up, he hit the city lottery. With the exception of LA, NYC is probably the only place where he not only has access to those types of women but at the same time he shares the spotlight with so many other celebrities and activities. A perfect combination for racking up a lot of…hits shall we say. Imagine had he played his entire career for the Colorado Rockies. I’m not saying he would have gone all Kobe on ‘em but I don’t think his resume would have been nearly as impressive…

Lastly to quote Mr. Carter, be good or be good at it. His ability to consistently pull the likes of Minka Kelly for tummy stick partners leads me to believe that he might actually be a good guy…

While following these things won’t guarantee you the same privileges, applying where applicable might prevent a restraining order, broken window, or alimony line item on your bank statement…

Feel free to add anything I may have missed or any additional hatred for Jeter in the comments…

onetrik…should have played more baseball as a kid…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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