elrock’s adventures in moving…

greetings from the concrete jungle where dreams are being manufactured as we speak…

that’s right folks, your favorite southern ubf contributor obtained his freedom papers and found a new home north of the mason dixon line…this chapter of my life led me to the big apple where it’s normal to have man dressed like thriller michael jackson board the train with a casio keyboard and where a wild night of drinking and popping e pills can leave you trying to peak up the skirt of lady liberty…not me, but i’m sure somebody has tried it…

i spent most of last week procrastinating unpacking polos and jordans while at the same time realizing how little i will be using of either in the months to come…now that everything but my cd collection (which has been in the same boxes since 2009) is unpacked, i felt like now would be a great time to both reflect on the experience and provide proper warning to any of you would be home swappers…

below you will find my un-exhaustive and non-comprehensive list of everything you have to look forward to once you turn your goods over to total strangers with hopes of meeting up with them again in another city…

– underestimating your needs for that  post pick up/pre drop-off window…this one is really not an issue when you’re moving in town, however, if you are relocating for real, be sure to leave out something to sleep on and under for your final night in your empty place…and yes people count…you should also properly calculate the number of boxers you’re going to need to last you until you and your belongings reunite like peaches and herb…excessive but i always liked that song…

– boxes that refuse to unpack themselves…if you’re like me, you will engage in a 12 hour standoff where you hope to intimidate all of your belongings into jumping out of their cardboard clothes…i assure you, they will not…no matter menacing the stare…so go ahead and get started…

– never being able to find the boxes you need… at some point in the unpacking process, there is going to be something that you either really want (ie ps3 controllers) or really really need (ie hennessy toothbrush) and somehow these items end up packed with stuff that they are not even remotely related to…in my case, the oft used controllers were packed with the seldom used pots while the toothbrush was tucked in my bathroom trashcan in between some windex and scrubbing bubbles…that should take my teeth to a whole new level of clean…

– shrinkage…some of your shyer items will end up not making the trip…this morning i went looking for my pancake skillet only to realize that said skillet seemed to no longer be in my possession…pretty big problem considering 87% of the time i touched my stove, there was that skillet with some of aunt jemimas most complete lounging in the middle of it…and now i’ll be the idiot in target with a skillet in one hand and a box of flour in the other just trying to see what feels right…

– and then there’s the special nyc bonus…not being able to figure out the proper greeting when you see people…half of the folks want a hug, while the other half want a quick cheek smooch…if those greetings don’t match up directly, you can find your mouth in some odd places…

and i’m spent…but i’m sure i’m not the only one with knowledge to share on this subject…what else should our ubf fam be on the lookout for…

 

elrock…cheek smooth…back away…

Advertisements

About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: