get in the game…

I’ve recently read one too many bios that include the phrase ‘I don’t play games’ and then find a buffet size list of dating complaints in the same person’s stream of 140 letters or less digital rants. So I’m devoting the next 750 or so words to trying to solve this knowing that the ones that need to read it won’t make it pass the click more button and those that do are probably already equipped with this knowledge…but as is life…

The root of dating pain for most is that they feel it isn’t a sport…while the potential partners in their ‘so you think you can be my husband’ pairings are definitely approaching it as a sport…and probably a seasoned veteran at this point because of her need to date older guys (another post for another day)…

Now as much as I’d like to tell you to filter out those players of this ‘game’ and find the genuine gents, I’m not sure your ovaries are that patient…don’t fret though because just like LeBron if you know the rules and apply a little practice here and there, you can experience mediocre results from great expectations…

The first myth we must dispel is that men who approach courting as sport are childish and immature…wrong. Actually all of us that were born before Jordan joined the league (’84 for the less than enthusiastic sports readers) and managed to avoid any marital or offspringage marks on our record are childish and immature (in your eyes). The thing you should take note of is that just like all other areas of our lives (job, house, clothes/shoes, vacations, working out) there is an unsaid scorecard that outlines winning and losing…unfortunately dating is probably the one area where you get pulled down to our score-keeping absurdity. The fact that the scorecard is unsaid means I can’t actually type it out here but I’m sure you can look at examples around you to figure it out…dating Beyonce is hall of fame material…being associated with the likes of Kreayshawn is run with scissors territory…

Secondly there is the matter of free agency. This will make way more sense to those of you that have followed the NFL labor disputes or current NBA lockout. Apologies to the rest but go ahead and add this to the list of reasons you should know what channel ESPN is on. In the go-together cba, you will be playing the role of the management/owners while the walking sperm bank is the player. Throughout the process, you both are trying to come to an arrangement that equally benefits each party. The one wrinkle which is different than the NFL situation is that he is capable of taking his talents to another league or sport with a more appealing offer from their management if your ‘offering’ isn’t to his liking. You too can bring in other players but how many Keanu Reeves are out there waiting to be picked up…

Luckily you can rest assured that all this playing/score-keeping will eventually come to an end. All of us want to go out at the top of our game. In our heads, settling down should look and feel like this. No one wants to be asked to leave (ultimatums) or forced to exit for reasons out of our control (children). If it comes on our terms, we can walk away from the game with no regrets or urges to ruin what we have going on for a chance to get the Wizards to the playoffs

Armed with this you should now have a bit more understanding of the situation. As extra credit, the following tips should help push you over the edge if you decide to get in the game:

+ Offense wins games, Defense wins championships…if you want the real hardware (rings), remember that what you used to get him won’t necessarily keep him…

+ Word with Friends type of game…whether you know it or not, he can (and is) play multiple games at once…feel free to accept a couple extra requests on your side too…

+ 10 day contracts…don’t get Joe Johnson’d with a long term deal off of potential…make him earn it thorough successfully coming through on shorter term agreements…

+ Scouting…you probably can’t get your hands on old video footage of him in action but pay close attention to his stories of his past to gather important intel…for instance, not being friends with any of the exes is a sign that homeboy tends to leave less than amiable conditions on the post game podium…

+ His fan base…this is two-fold…1) does he bring his friends and family to the big game aka you…2) groupies are gunning for your spot and how he handles them will tell you all you need to know…

Pull on your jersey, lace up your shoes and start stretching…

onetrik…play ball…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to get in the game…

  1. Andre says:

    (one additional one):
    + PRACTICE… (In my Allen Iverson voice) :
    Once the preseason is over (innocent social network flirting) and you get your roster set, one cannot go right into game day and play at 100%~ injuries happen that way!

    After the scouting and the (fb/twitter) meetings, one must still practice and get into game shape: physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and sexually.

    One MUST play the game, the season, and the playoffs in the same manner as one practices. Practice almost makes perfect, but a perfect practice will make perfect.

    So, ubf’ers must continue to stay in shape not just for the season, but for the playoffs, and during the offseason…if one wants that dynasty run. If not, new owners WILL approach your franchise player.

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