5 things you should never forget or forgive…

Believe it or not but there was a time when I was known as young onetrik…not necessarily because of my age but more directly related to the maturity-free diet my dating life was on…I know amazing…

While I managed to curtail excessive sea man droppage inside of naval bases, I did encounter a few less than flattering moments where I found myself begging for forgiveness while hoping for forgetness…

For instance, there was the time when I decided to tell the girl that I had been long distance dating that one of us was not exclusively dating the other in addition to winnie pooh’n a few local honey pots…in front of a dinner party of mixed company…

Or the time that I broke up with a girlfriend and started dating a female I had just met within 48 hours of each other…and evidently in the wrong order as the latter happened before the former…

And another that I would have hoped to have forgotten was when I met my first college boo-thang over the summer and proceeded to break up during the first week of classes…not through a conversation but by attempting to date the other girl from her high school at our university…

I can only hope the aforementioned ladies (and those not mentioned that experienced similar shenanigans) have gone on to wipe those experiences out of their memory banks and are enjoying their post-onetrik lives…that is until I reopened the wounds simply for examples in this post…

But as many of you can probably relate, I’ve obviously done some things in my past that I regret (getting caught doing) and am therefore a certified expert in suggesting things that you should never forget and most certainly not forgive a person for doing to you…a few big ones that come to mind…

5) Getting you pregnant…and you are a man…seriously a solid ‘my bad’ doesn’t make up for this under any circumstances…

4) Deletion of any programming from the dvr that aired a single time…unlike her favorite ‘wife’-related programming (Real Housewives, Basketball Wives, Single Ladies), game 7 of any series will take at least 6 months to 10 years to air on espn classic again…by that time, you will be ostracized from your wolf pack for missing the biggest game of your generation…try forgetting that while when you trade fantasy football in for mary kay…

3) Acquiring knowledge of an ex-wife that only holds the ex title in your understanding of her existence…unlike a old fashioned middle school break-up, divorces require time, money and lawyers which means you are the usurper in this particular version of the game of thrones…

2) Felating someone in your family tree that has direct lineage above you…while you may resemble a younger version of your father, fast forwarding to the future version of you through the man who once housed you in his testicles in unacceptable…as is the mental image I just created…

1) Any unrequested makeovers to your face via hands or blunt objects…no matter how many times you ask him how you look in that dress, he does not get permission to make modifications to your persons through force…not only should this not be forgotten or forgiven but it should be reported to the local authorities and all cousins with jail muscles…

Outside of these (and the others the folks of ubf will leave in the comment section), we can only hope that karma is indeed a female dog and not an elephant that never forgets…

onetrik…next round of mea culpa on me…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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