putting the man in man-ogamy…

now before my spelling bee champions begin firing your darts of disagreement, i know that the word is really monogamy, but that would starve the title of all of the cleverness i’ve been trying to feed to it for the last 37 seconds…

i once heard that it is unnatural for a man to settle down with a single loin serving …i then heard it repeated a few thousand times…so of course i believed it…kinda like the folks that believe that raising taxes will hurt the economy…i digress…so once i gave up on finding “the one”, i shifted my life goal to becoming the poor black version of vincent chase, which is damn near impossible when your ‘entourage’ is more popular than you are…

don’t get me wrong…i love love…especially when it looks like that main character from single ladies (i still have no idea what the show is about as i watch it muted with luther vandross playing in the background)…but let’s face it, lust is much easier to understand and ascertain…sure the ease of it should not be reason enough to keep trying to plug every attractive ‘leak’, but i believe most of us assume that if they plug enough of them, you can trade in your lust coins for a big furry stuffed love…

most men (at least during some part of their lives) subscribe to the potato chip theory when it comes to dating where one is just not enough…and if pressed would state that there is something that feels unnatural about exchanging morning breath with the same individual every day…and when i was younger i always assumed that age was the only thing that makes that exchange more desirable…well, now that i am officially 2 years older than old, i thought it might be time to explore the things that really make dudes even considering eating just one (pun partially intended)…

life scare…a run in with the grim reaper can make one wish they had someone special (and not related by blood) listed as a beneficiary…you could probably add any major negative life occurrence here…it’s no fun having to retrieve and discard all of your own tissues…

life additions…visits from the stork can often lead guys onto a path of misguided responsibility…if you have planted your seed in a briar’s patch of a woman, even the best intentions won’t be able to save you or the shorty from a thorny future…

life subtractions…not the morbid kind…i just meant that all of his friends have loaded up their minivans and relocated to boo-ville…the only thing worse than being an old guy in the club is being the only old guy in the club…those bottles get a lot more expensive when you have to finance them all on your own…

the l word…no…not the people that are descending on nyc to exchange garters…the other one…the one that all women like…this is by far the best reason to cut up that player card…i would argue…and have repeatedly, that if this one is not in the top 2 reasons you settled down (we will also accept “but she’s oprah winfrey” as a possible #1), the odds of your new found monotony…my bad…monogamy surviving are about as slim as me coming up with something clever to end this sentence…

elrock…the original uncouth single…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to putting the man in man-ogamy…

  1. LynneJJ says:

    :)

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