a few reasons to leave your sand at home…

on a recent visit to a place that plays music, serves  drinks and encourages overt flirting, i found myself accidentally exchanging pleasantries with an attractive seemingly unattached attendee…

i pretended she was interesting and she pretended i was funny until eventually she told me that i looked like someone who would have a self portrait as my phone screen saver…in a rush to quell the character coup, i quickly retrieved the trusty iphone and presented it to her…she then proceeded to enter her name and number with a polite request that i not let that information go to waste…

yes…i was phone raped…don’t laugh…this could happen to you…but the story doesn’t stop there…about 12 minutes later, a dude shows up and kisses her square in her eating orifice…she then introduces me as her good friend elrock…he daps me up and they escape to a quieter corner…

of course i had to bask for a second in my partial goldie moment…but as the blaxpoitative smoke settled, i realized that i had just been ‘squiggling’ my toes in the next man’s sand…illustrating one very good reason why said fellow should have left that sand at his own beach side estate…

granted, if his lady wanted…well…whatever she wanted, him leaving her at home probably would not have stopped it, but that didn’t mean he had to make it so easy…of course we all know i never called… but that’s beside the point…but since we are on the subject, here are a couple more reasons why you might not want to juke it out with your mate in public…

avoiding the county lockup…walking with your lady into a crowded club is like walking with your trainer into the squared circle at the mgm grand on fight night…fisticuffs really may be in your future…you can only slap hands away for so long before someone decided to swing back…and if your lady is the fiery type, you might as well throw an airbrushed denim jacket on your and call her don king because she will most likely be negotiating your next fight… and at this age/income level, bar brawls lead to county cot crawls…

no thrilling chases…as i kinda alluded to above, the club is set up for hunters…dark rooms with bright disco flashes and loud music to disorient the prey…sure…if you bring 1 with you, you are assured of taking at least one home…which makes it very similar to shopping in your own closet…it may be cheaper but you’ll never get to catch herpes you really already ‘own’ it…

sure i want you to keep your relationships fresh, but i’d have to wonder if the risk don’t smack the ish out of outweigh the possible rewards…yes you can dance and sweat and accidentally grope other patrons on purpose…but do you really want to leave your lady in the chick check room…or more painfully, dedicate your chin to defending her honor…i’ll wait…

elrock…don’t leave your girl ’round me…please…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

6 Responses to a few reasons to leave your sand at home…

  1. LynneJJ says:

    I mean this in the nicest way possible….garbage. :)

    • spoken like a true grain…

      • LynneJJ says:

        You got that right. A grain that has never started a fight and has perfected the thrill of th….lemme stop there. Just because one chick doesn’t enjoy the liking of her own beach doesn’t mean the rest of us should be banned. Establishments like the above mentioned are different things to different people. Where single people like to find “fun”, non-single like to keep the “fun” going.
        I love UBF…but the booed up bashing is crazy. I didn’t know the US was an acronym for UncouthSingles.

      • uncouth singles…i like that…i’ll get the tshirts printed up today…now lynnejj, you know we love our booed up friends…we’re just jealous of them because we know they’re not sleeping alone tonight…and for this, they must be punished…

  2. CLB says:

    u fell right into her trap. remind me to use that self-portrait line…when my sand isn’t around.

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