those guys abroad pt 2: return of the maegi…

a couple days ago onetrik offered up his verbal photo album of our trip across the pond…i thought it was only right that i offer up my own slightly less entertaining version of that same excursion…terms you should probably re-familiarize yourself with: mouth smash, maegi and water…as i know most of our followers prefer beverages with higher alcoholic contents…

where should i begin…how about at the atl airport where i stood dumbfounded as the usairways check in agent just disappeared with my id and boarding pass for 33 minutes sans explanation only to re-emerge to let me know my flight had been cancelled…thus leaving the homie onetrik twirling dolo out there in that lisbon breeze…24 hrs later i had a more successful encounter with the darker side of hartsfield international and i was on my way to lisbon…

some may ask how lisbon even made the list…and i would tell you to go here …and don’t worry…it’s not hell…

lisbon (lisboa as called by the locals) gives off this sleepy european vibe by day…don’t get me wrong…the streets bustle with the Portuguese 9-5’ers and street hustlers toting 78 pair of “ray ban” sunglasses in assorted colors, but the lisbon party beast awakens around 1:30 am…which unfortunately was about the time my dream sequence shifted from tamron hall to stacey dash…the disadvantage of missing my initial sleep calibration day i suppose…we were awake long enough to catch bairro alto, an old school cobble stoned neighborhood where locals and tourists hang out to drink, buy glowing things and attack taxis…then it was off to…

barcelona (barthelona) was the 2nd day long stopover of the trip and is also where i began to suspect i had contracted the deadly, totally fabricated spanish super urination syndrome…barcelona is love…and our day there definitely didn’t do it justice…we ended our quick barcelona day smash at port olympic with at least one of our crewmates lying face down on a vip couch that we didn’t pay for…next up…

ibiza (eivissa) is the place where spring break never ends…it’s like south beach on a mix of ecstasy and steroids set to an extreme techno beat…as onetrik eluded, they really dislike tan lines out there…but before you go rolling your eyes back on an ibizan day-dream, do realize that no one is turned away at the topless beach…there are some breast that only babies, doctors and unhappy husbands should see…unfortunately images of some of those have been singed into my memory only elevating my disdain for enlarged not-so-fun bags…

lucky for me, ibiza is also where my spanish maegi informed me that i had indeed packed some additional bacteria away in my carry on…although it required google translator, some pictionary and a round of charades (he had to do an uncomfortable sex reenactment to tell me that that’s not what caused my ailment…an event that left me shaken yet thankful) for him to make the proper prognosis…

if you ever decide to make that trip, pack some extra stamina, because they go h.a.m. for real for real…if things go well, you will end up stuffed in a huge room filled with thousands of people dancing to the same beat until your ear drums implode…then you buy a croissant and watch the sun take its rightful place in the sky…check out the “f*ck me i’m famous party” at club pacha…seriously…that’s what it’s called…however, party goers were not fooled by my attendance…i still went home dolo…

and as an added bonus, be sure the check out the bodegas…you’ll find everything from margarine to jack daniels to fake vibrating man parts…that assortment let me know that somebody down there had way more fun than we did…

amsterdam was next, and the word on the street is local coffee shops will stop serving the good “coffee” to foreigners in 2012…i won’t waste your time or risk any additional drug testing by going into too much detail here…besides…we can’t really remember anything anyway…although i do have a hazy image of club rain being kinda live…

ahh…the recap alone leaves me needing another nap…

elrock…oh me…i’m doing fine now…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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