those guys go abroad: the true story of smoochie norris…

As regular ubf readers gathered over the past week and a half, we took the blog research global…and by global I mean we exchanged dollars for euros, diet cokes for coke lights, hollas for holas, ray bans for ray beris and so on…

First and foremost, I am happy to report that we survived the excursion (more on how that seemed not likely to happen in a bit) and kept a few handy dandy notes to recap for those of you that enjoy hearing of our foolery…

After a week’s worth of preplanning, a normal person would not be surprised with the circumstances we encountered…but given our specialness we were not only surprised by the following but quite perplexed at times on how to actually overcome the conundrums:

+ the communication gap…not being able to find a common language with which to exchange thoughts is a bit of a blower…my first meal nearly didn’t happen as my one language having self couldn’t explain to the waitress that I simply wanted a carne asada sandwich which was labeled carne asada…the one upside here that our frequent use of terms like donk also didn’t breakthrough which means that ebonics don’t carry as much weight over there so maybe rap music/videos haven’t completely ruined the world’s perception of black American men…then again…

+ black is the new black…we normally play the game of ‘I’d rather [blank] than sit next to the black guy’ stateside…little did we know that there was an accompanying European version…no matter the scenario (tour bus, train, plane)  or country, we never had to share arm rests…

+ drinks…I lost my alcoholic card when I passed on a glass of jack daniels due to its 13.50€ price tag in Portugal…no worries as I immediately earned it back when realizing that soft drinks and water came with the same hefty price tag…given our regular routing of sangria (breakfast), beer (lunch) and whiskey (dinner), my liver will be on vacation for the next ten days or so…

+ mouth smash…Barcelona is the capital of the mouth smash…often incorrectly confused with smash mouth, the mouth smash was found anywhere we turned our heads in barca…if you don’t know what that is then you should ask your father how you came to be…

+ the WCs…these proved to be the challenge that continues to give…I utilized every bit of my engineering degree to get the shower to turn on then to be met by an encasement that more resembled a blender made for less than enjoyable bathing experiences…not to mention the second toilet (aka bidets) that came with small towels (in the likeness of hand towels) which we’d later discover were ass towels (of course after applying said towels to our faces)…

+ tan lines optional…the sands of Ibiza’s beach were chocked full of more bare teats than a season of game of thrones…which makes it extremely hard to be a discreet pervert…

+ class c vs class m…evidently you need a class m (motorcycle) license (in place of the typical c) in order to rent a scooter over there…well everywhere with the exception of Ibiza…so minutes after exploiting this loophole, we found ourselves merging onto the freeway, going against traffic on a one-way, one scooter being ghost ridden into a curb, a stubbed toe and bloody knee and concluded with the group being separated with no real directions of how to get back to the hotel…needless to say you need a class m license in order to rent a scooter over there…

+ the maegi…following an early evening drinking session, sdotkikko and I return to the room to find elrock with what appeared to be a witch doctor and a bag full of concoctions…I’ll leave the details to elrock but let’s just say he didn’t ask about nary a HMO…

+ the real taste test…on one of our eight flights, we were greeted with a taste test challenge…however in place of the typical soda choices, we were given whiskey options…talk about knowing my heart…

There were a few other minor incidents but I have to leave somethings for elrock’s next post…all in all it was a good time that I’ll be paying for financially, emotionally, physically and europeanically for the remainder of the summer at least…

onetrik…obrigado…gracias…danke…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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