hell must be like this…

based on some of the activities i have engaged in over the last 30+ years week or so, i am afraid that my judgment day will quickly evolve into a “what had happened was” fest with st. petey and the bouncers at club heaven…one that eventually will not work out in my favor…

now i’ve heard that god prefers endless flames as his chosen method for eternal punishment…and i am not talking about 16 bars from weezy…who am i to really question the creators tactics…but given that he knows my heart…and is somewhat responsible for my ability to write this post today, i’ll assume that he may allow me a little leeway in questioning the method just a little…

now as painful as an eternal bubble bath in kingsford charcoal’s finest briquettes may sound…i believe there may be a few other candidates the big guys should consider dishing out to my lost torment-able soul…

– a humid hell…of course i’m no scientist, but i would imagine that all that fire would be more of a “dry heat”…like phoenix…what i would be suggesting is something more like miami…why not make it feel like the place that helped get me here…

– wireless toys with a wifi you can see but not connect to…anyone that is as addicted to wireless playthings as i am, knows how frustrating it can be to see a free wi-fi that won’t let you connect and won’t tell you why…of course i would still be able to listen to music

– a middle airplane seat between 2 people bad breath and a lot to discuss with each other…

– bubble guts with no deposit place in sight…i know your cheeks just cramped thinking about that one…

– attending a party that has all of your favorite hip hop tracks mixed to a techno dance beat…i have never been bashful in discussing my hatred for the 1 song party…because i’m pretty sure they just leave the bass machine on in the studio between techno recording sessions…but tossing my sacred “no hands” into that techno soup, is sacrilegious…i mean who can sin properly at that pace…

– having all the new retro jordan releases not be in your size…a hell with no j 4’s is no hell i want to be a part of…which is, i guess, why it would be hell…

– november sportscenter top 10’s with no nfl or nba highlights…guys…it’s 9 billion with a b…get it together…

– eternal brain farts…i can’t be the only one that hates having that movie/song title bouncing steadily on the diving board of your tongue but refusing to leap into that pool of spoken word…

– a say yes to the dress marathon…the wedding dress may be the single garment men will never understand…i mean, having the one dress you can’t wait to get her out of the most, also be the most difficult to remove…

– having the chick you like, always pick someone else from your crew…wait…maybe i’m already in hell…

these are but a few of the least comfortable ways to spend the rest of your forever…but i’m sure you have more…thoughts…additions…

elrock…my cup runneth over and over…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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