when no doesn’t mean no…

No. I’m not here to talk about that kind of no…today at least…

While boarding a plane last week, I made it to my row to find an empty slot in the overhead space for my carry-on therefore defeating the airlines attempt at tricking me into losing my luggage. However in a goldilocks and the three bears scenario, I did find an older foreign women sitting rather comfortably in the seat conveniently located on my boarding pass…

Given I was traveling for the day gig, I opted to not go the rather ethnic ‘seat check’ route and instead try to decipher why she felt the need to personally warm my seat. Her reply was not very helpful (or audible) as she merely grabbed for her knee. Seeing that she was sitting next to a man that appeared to be at best her husband and at worst her pimp, I decided to ask him to help solve this row 20 seat mystery. He offering at least some form of a verbal response answered in a language not familiar to my ears nor found on any taco bell menu my eyes have seen…

My next act was to ask for their boarding passes to overcome this apparent communication gap. As I had suspected, they were assigned the window and middle seat vs my aisle seat. After trying to again explain this to them, she continued to direct me to her knee. This made me realize that her legs were somehow allergic to every seat not found under her back end at that moment and she was now expecting me to trade with her…

[insert dilemma]

Well as someone that never likes to dip too low on good karma points, I agreed to go forward with the trade. The kicker was she then motioned for me to climb over her and her pimp to get to the window seat I didn’t want in the first place…

Quick recap…after getting debo’d out of my preferred seat choice, I was then subjected to having my milkshake felt all up. This then left me to ponder had this been an able bodied middle-aged english speaking person, I could have hit her with a healthy ‘hell naw’ but given her high number of born days added with some mcl/acl issues I could not say no…

This experience (in addition to claustrophobia) gave me time to think of other scenarios outside of cripple old people where saying no isn’t an option (you didn’t think you were going to get a post with a list did you)…

+ post free coitus – you just deposited your little navy guys in her dark sea so you are required to get her a gatorade…dehydration is serious business…however if relations were derived from a business transaction then you are free to begin rem cycles with no fault…

+ pre-coitus – related to the previous case but anytime you feel some jeans-less dry humping in your foreseeable future,  the word no can easily be found on milk cartoons…

+ Stacey Dash – I figure if I keep including her in my posts she will eventually be made aware of my interest in her talents and we can stop playing this ‘we don’t know each other’ game…

+ mama dukes – the woman responsible for you breathing and allowing you to continue breathing as she frequently reminded you coming up should never be subjected to a maybe let alone a full out no…disregard this if you are lebron james…

+ nieces & nephews – they are offspring you don’t have to actually live with…all the benefits of spoiling with no residual effects of disciplining…disregard if your siblings have an affinity for nose snow…

+ organ donor – anyone that has an organ inside of you…pause…is most likely owed a few no exemptions…

+ God – I haven’t been to Sunday school in a month full of Sundays but I’m pretty sure that the man upstairs doesn’t do well when given anything resembling a no…

Does my ubf fam have any adds to this list?

onetrik…someone’s sitting in my chair and they don’t understand no…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to when no doesn’t mean no…

  1. JQ says:

    Just three comments on the post free coitus business transaction variety: (1) don’t have business transaction coitus; (2) should you choose to disregard #1, never sleep b4 s/he leaves; and (3) just don’t have business transaction coitus.

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