what about your friends…

Those of you on twitter are most definitely aware that the annual BET awards took place last night. Some of you may have even forfeited hours of your life to sit through them in addition to the running tweet commentary. I, on the other hand, couldn’t find where Time Warner keeps the stereotype affirming channels so I missed out…

*gets down off of soap box*

However, the byproduct of the ‘awards’ show that I was unable to elude is that my place of stomping is the city that selected the shortest straw and became host to this circus of an event. As with all black events, there were parties, pre-parties and post-parties. Given my affinity for the night life, I was convinced into participating in one of these associated gatherings. The night ended up coming in as a solid seven on the overall good times scale but the true gift of the evening was the above average people watching. Now LA is known for giving inordinate amounts of ‘style’ but this weekend the style got turnt up…

While commenting on our fellow party goers, my drinking compatriots and I came to an interesting insight: where are these people’s friends? Assuming they roll with individuals that possess sight and voice faculties, there is no way in the world that we should be seeing this person in such atrocious attire. How am I so certain of this you may be wondering? Take a walk with me through the following scenario…

In this particular instance, we encounter a (not-so) young lady with a black and white striped dress that appears to be a throwback…as in she had to have thrown her back out getting this tight four sizes too small torture contraption on. She then takes it a step further with the special striped tights that may actually start a fire in about 12 more meters due to the friction caused by her sash-shaying. Now I’m the first to admit that this could be an off night for her. I’m sure she normally does the damn thing with her ‘fits. This is where the insight comes in…there aren’t bad nights when you have real friends…

Let’s go all the way back to when she purchased this get up. She had to have saw this on a mannequin and thought to her self, ‘If the fake plastic person can wear it then so can I.’ Enter real friend opportunity #1…realizing the high degree of difficulty associated with pulling off this particular article of clothing, a real friend would politely shoot down this as an option due to cost, cheap-looking, color or any other made up excuse that starts with a c…

But maybe she made it to the fitting room before that chance presented itself. She now is inappropriately sized in this inappropriate dress under the illusion that has discovered a freak-em dress that makes her look like beyonce…bless her heart. Enter real friend opportunity #2…the real friend needs to burst the bubble that seeing your blood pressure through clothing is attractive. Very few things (snapbacks & snuggies) come in the one size fits all flavor and because of this real friends ensure that right sizes are always purchased…

This time though she may have bought it from a deal of the day email site and bought the size she wants to be vs the size rubbing up against the back of her neck right now. Fast forward to night of even and knowing that most lady wolfpacks commute together to events to guarantee safety and to save on parking/gas. This means that prior to her unveiling of this garment to the world, the rest of the wolfpack had a preview. Enter real friend opportunity #3…instead of the expected ‘girl you look good’ canned response to her walking in the room, a real friend shows concern for her hearing given how loud her ‘fit is. Even if it requires offering to cover the drinks she’ll miss out on at ‘ladies drink free before 11’ due to her changing, it is money well spent…

She may not live around the corner so this dud is her weapon of choice for the night but she remembers the low lighting of the eventual venue. As those pre-11 free drinks begin to add up, a camera joins the wolfpack and documentation ensues. As any night life enthusiasts knows, she must immediately upload these to her myspace page for all those at home to see and be stricken with jealous fits. Enter real friend opportunity #4…fighting the muscle memory act of leaving a ‘you are killing em girl’ or other variations, a real friend reports the photo to the social media site as inappropriate hoping to remove any and all evidence of the dress, the night and maybe even the culprit…

And with that we can now all see why no one has an excuse for showing up to any event with their ‘friends’ and looking a mess. I know this will directly impact my people viewing going forward but I’ll be happy to know that I did my part to eradicate such an injustice…

onetrik…keep your enemies close and your friends in your closet…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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