small cakes…

I blame Nicki Minaj…

Granted she wasn’t the first to hit the scene with ridiculous amounts of posterior dexterity. Sure Ms. Jenkins from Friday and the video hofessional from ‘the way you move’ video preceded Ms. Minaj but she (regardless of rumored artificial gains) is today’s poster child for junk in the trunk. Therefore she receives the lion’s share of the blame…

What is this blame attributed to you may be asking yourself?

The extinction of the small cakes. You see Ms. Young Money and her other dwarf smuggling compatriots are responsible for the removal of women with as (yes there is an s missing) from the consideration set of many young gentlemen callers. With the rampant acceptance and adoption of booty injections, you’d think that having a small donk was similar to small breasts aka a bad thing…I kid elrock…

I’m here today to make a case for those of you out there reading this while you sit on the bottom of your back. I’m speaking up for those that make a thong look like boy shorts. For anyone that had to sit out ‘doing the butt’, this is for you…

First and foremost, not all sisters fit Mos Def’s description of Ms. Fat Booty. And as a blog that stands for equal relations distribution, we feel it important to spread the love. Just because her jeans don’t pucker at the belt loop in the back, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to experience your misogynistic views on the world crafted by 90s rap music…

Speaking of the 90s let’s take a trip back to physics class. Those more studious readers will remember that force = mass x acceleration. Luckily acceleration is the same in terms of gravity at 9.8m/s^2. However, the multiplier in that force equation is mass or in other words weight. Therefore the force with which that derrière is being pulled to the ground over time is directly tied to the mass of the cheeks held within those baby phat jeans. Said in a liberal arts manner, apple bottoms are not friends with gravity and time…

One word…cellulite…

Scientific studies show that small badonks yield minimal to no fights. Nearly 93% of all fights between grown men can be attributed to a women’s large back end (aside: the other 7% are caused by sneaker scuffs and yo mama jokes). Those of us in the working world may find this helpful in retaining all our teeth and/or avoiding being traded for a pack of cigarettes in the big house…

Girls with big booties don’t felate…*waits to be proved wrong*…

At the risk of getting a bit too graphic, it will save you on your charmin bill…

And with that I’ll turn it over to the ubf fam to either confirm my argument or tell me I’m wrong…ready go…comment…

onetrik…la face with a montreal booty…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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