the bottle benefits…

Almost exactly one month ago, we gathered around our computer screens to discuss the potential negative side effects of having one more drink than is automobilely recommended. After a few side conversations (mostly with myself), I realized that some of you may have gotten the wrong impression…which is to think that an overzealous affinity for alcohol is only good for landing you at best case on MTV true life or A&E intervention and worst case Maury Povich or Judge Joe Brown…not the case…

While introducing my liver to a new whiskey yesterday with some of my closest drinking companions, I began to mentally collate a list of positive conditions linked to inebriation. Said another way…the following showcases why drunkards are winning and aa members are quitters…

lack of awkward…we spend most of our days avoiding awkward moments such as that lull in a conversation where you have nothing more to say to a person but can’t make a clean exit so you sit there in uncomfortable silence…increased blood alcohol levels remove the concept of awkward from your entire universe…and potentially common sense as well…

masks nearly all shortcomings…no matter whether your hairline is late to your forehead party or you find trouble pronouncing w’s, insert enough good times juice to all present participants and all is forgotten…after a few rounds, dyslexia turns from a comprehension difficulty to an X-men level talent…however one thing that won’t be overlooked is any form of a weak bladder…pissy pants always lose…

impromptu napping is acceptable…in most circumstances and 46 states, graduating from the 1st grade means bidding the art of instantaneous comatose farewell…however consuming substantial amounts of booze somehow makes it ok to revert back to yesteryear when spontaneous sleeping is expected and the nearest adult is required to take responsibility for your well-being…

self-esteem upgrades…no matter the level of your personal appreciation for self, it will receive an automatic boost…beautiful women go from being single to additionally being interested in your bunkmate requests…cheers to you *playa voice*

you become Seinfeld…any and all jokes told by or acted out by you are f’in hilarious…even if you are the only one hysterically laughing…

clothing no longer restrains…garments tend to keep everyone’s nether regions out of the public domain…enough libations free us from these constraints and make nekkidness an appropriate concept…be warned that due to the prevalence of photo and video cameras these moments can live beyond the typical buzzed state of readily available liquor…

Before we toast to these benefits, does anyone in the ubf clan have adds not covered here within?

onetrik…the glass is half way to a good time…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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