silence of the side piece…

 

you don't see these guys trying to take over the dinner table...

attention one and all…wendy’s now has natural cut fries (meaning that enslaved earthworms with tiny cleavers sever them into fry-lets) that are covered in sea salt (meaning they are placed in bags and beat across the backs of unsuspecting beached sea lions during mating season)…amazing i know…so amazing that wendy’s has decided to dedicate entire 30 second tv spots to highlight their deliciousness…

perhaps you’ve seen these and wonder the same thing i did…since when did the side options start earning top billing during my modern family interruptions…unfortunately, it’s a sign of the times…and side pieces everywhere have taken notice…the evidence of this is all around us…from the 15 – 30 very ordinary tiger’s teasers to @snitchonanthonywiener, side pieces are surfacing everywhere with a story to tell…

now let’s make one thing clear…we do not publicly condone side piece accrual…i generally believe if your woman is normal size, you should only have one…which leaves more for us…however, if she is shorter than 4’10, you can have another of equal or lower height so that you can stack them up for the open mouthed saliva trades…

clarifying point number two…a side chick is a chick that knows she is on the side, not to be confused with the ladies that have found themselves the victim of a cat that decided to order himself 2 entrees simultaneous girlfriends…

final point of clarity, i do not blame the extra chick for anything that indirectly leads to  the dirty truth being introduced to the light…some guys just don’t have the intellectual wherewithal to run an efficient 3 party relationship…these guys must be snuffed out so that more adept adulterers may prosper…

now, what i absolutely have a problem with are attention seeking snitchy side chicks…as a tertiary non-essential member of the combo, your rules are very simple…keep your mouth closed unless…well…you know…

our society’s recently established insatiable thirst for side chick information has led to multiple offenders of this rule…as often as they occur, teary eyed interviews with these cole slaws and baked beans still leave me unmoved…there is no honor amongst thieves and that goes for man meat larcenists as well…you had every right to walk away when you realized you were being chatted up by a boo-ville resident…you chose to be the jason terry coming off the bench in this situation, now you can’t be surprised that you’re going to walk away without a ring (go heat)…

you also can’t be surprised that you’re not the only one…as you must’ve figured out by now, he’s a cheater and yeah…they’re not normally lauded for their honesty…

and yes fellows this goes for you side piece pee-pee’s too…i would speak to you more directly but i can’t look at you without laughing…time to shut man-up…

and anthony weiner (he-he…his name is weiner), the next time you choose to have possible job ending inappropriate contact with a woman, you should probably bypass the virtual world and go directly to her tweet…

the potato wedges, no matter how tasty, can and will never be the leg and thigh that form the core of the combo…so media stop shoving real microphones in these chicks’ faces, side pieces shhh and wendy’s step your burger game up…

 

elrock…snitches get stitches…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to silence of the side piece…

  1. Tennie says:

    i can dig it…

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