guys’ guys…pause…

over the last few weeks, i’ve been enjoying what we like to call funemployment…there’s a paycheck en route and a mad men blu ray disc in the ps3…i’m in the middle of season 3 so shhh with any comments referencing anything that happened after the birth of the 3rd shorty…

while watching the antics of don draper i kept thinking that if my single man dreams ever started showing as much churn as his real fictional married life, i would have to stop taking naps…because they would only lead to additional naps…and somebody’s got to make these damn donuts…

after marveling at mr. draper’s exploits, i also realized that he was probably the type of unfaithful married wife smashing dude you would want in your crew…the type that shares flight attendants and never blows up your spot…this led me to wonder who else i might invite to join the ultimate crew…ladies and gentlemen, the guys’ guys…with the obligatory “pause” of course…

charles barkley…if you’ve ever watched chuck do his thing on tnt (or in his police interview following his last arizona dui arrest) then you know he has a loose grasp of the english language lives by the same 3 rules as your favorite bloggers…get it in, drink up and leggo…

jon stewart…someone has to provide us with the slightly leftist view of what’s going on in the world…and i’m quite sure he might be the only person that hates glenn beck and rush limbaugh as much as i do…

samuel l jackson…he will join the group as our designated curser/loud talker, which means he’ll probably also be our designated ish starter…and who wouldn’t be honored to throw blows in a brouhaha initiated by the co-star of every movie released since 1997…

mike tyson…as you might’ve guessed, tyson would be the group’s designated facial appendage taster ish finisher…sure mike is more pillow than iron these days, but i would still put his right hand and his quest for crazy up against anyone…

zach galifinakis…he’s hilarious and he’s got the roofies connect…

the dos equis guy(the most interesting man in the world)…every crew needs a guy who can provide his own beer and interesting fodder for those madden sessions…he’s also automatic cougar interference…

barak obama…the leader of the free world has his own jet, bullet proof cars and the clout to make sure none of us ever have to spend a night in jail…

kanye west…because what’s a crew without a rapper… if i’m ever turned down by a chick who ends up giving her number to onetrik someone else later on that evening, he can step in, grab the mic and tell her how i had spit the best game ever…also considered were snoop and jiggaman…unfortunately snoop may have an adverse effect on my pending drug test while jay would force me to habitually break that “never try to smash the homie’s lady” rule…

i believe this new voltron of manhood (pause…again) is complete, however i could be mistaken…interested in hearing  who else should be considered for these air force one excursions…

elrock…did i mention “pause”…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

4 Responses to guys’ guys…pause…

  1. Anonymous says:

    Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. Why go domestic when you can go global? That and four words: Italian. Super Model. Connect. His occasional Chris Hansen ‘if there’s grass on the field, play ball’ predilections mean there are at least some chicks we won’t both go after, and someone has to come through on the otherwise empty promises that tend to be made in “Bunga-Bunga” situtations (go ahead; google it; I’ll wait).

    and

    Heff. No explanation needed.

  2. Soumynona says:

    I would also add somewhere in the crew that dude who brings the crew together. Not necessarily a leader bc guy crews don’t need leaders but that guy who you will feel most comfortable asking for a place to stay once the wifey puts you out for unmentioned debauchery, or just good ole times…with strippers. He can mix and mingle across the wide variety of testosterone laced egos, smoke a lil bit, drink a lil bit but still be the designated driver. Selfless enough to pat you on the back and/or play the wing but also selfish enough to take his wings back to the spot to seal the deal while you still holding on to that business card. A quality guy indeed. In the run for such a position would be the following, in no particular order: Bill Clinton, The Silver Surfer, Shaft (who is the man….), Mark ruffalo, Jesse Jackson (the jesse from the 60s and 70s, ask MLK about him, lol), George Clooney, Don Cheadle, possibly Mos Def (just in case Kanye disappears as he is known to do from time to time)

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