dem male friends…strike again…

When a woman says she doesn’t have any female friends, many things are assumed about her. Most of them negative. There is a tendency to judge females that can’t seem to stay out of the meow mix of catty drama, thus relegating themselves to have their wounds incessantly licked by the opposite sex.  It really does say something about her- the inability to fraternize with your own people makes you an outcast. That’s never a good look.

However, there are many some women who have many female friends. And just as many male friends to match.  But it’s never a good sign when the QB says to you, “Babe you got a lot of male friends…” That said, I some women just like to be friends with everybody.  Enter the UBF conundrum. At what point should “everybody” be tapered to just “everybody without a night stick”?  It’s all well and good to have friends. But when your non platonic  semi permanently assigned partner in bumpin uglies is involved, all those “friends” may need to take a back seat. At the end of the day, the homies should become more side show entertainment, less main event. More Kelly Rowland and Whats-Her-Face, less Beyonce. More the rest of those chics in the Pussy Cat Dolls, less Nicole Sherzzzz…right.  More the remaining members of ‘Dirty Money’, Less  Puffy “Swag” Diddy…or whatever he goes by these days. More that other chic in dreamgirls, less J-Hud & Bey Bey. You get the point. Male friends should become background singers to your regular  grandstanding lead vocalist in social situations once you become “Boo’d Up”.

I’ll give you a moment to “Uproar”.  There’s some space at the bottom to articulate your concerns as well, just in case you need an outlet. Ok- so where is this antiquated view of relationshipdom coming from? I’ll explain. I might have mentioned in one of my posts that my male friends make up various categories…perhaps a few of those residing in “Dudes that have tried” and “Dudes that have succeeded”. “Dudes that have succeeded” is an obvious category cut. Let’s face it- nobody you are in a relationship with should be expected to feel comfortable with that. If they are, great.  But ultimately, as a woman, I ask- how often do you want your man hanging out with that chic he used to *#&@!? Right.  I didn’t think so.

Now what about those guys that have tried and failed. Harlmess, right? Well, again, I ask: Are you really comfortable with your man consistently chillin with a gaggle of women that are lying in wait, hoping for his next weak moment? Yeah…Sure you are.

And what about “the rest” of the homies. Maybe they’ve never tapped that. And maybe they’ve never tried. It’s likely in the case of some that they never had a desire to.  I will call these guys “Discretionary Homies”. If the friendship is really worth it, proceed at your own discretion. And make sure that he gets a nice, regularly scheduled, uncomfortable, introduction to the Mr. in your life. I’ll keep it all the way 100- I have some wonderful male friendships. But only one of them is really worth alienating the #1 person in my life. Now if your “Boo” is just some guy you are passing time with- I say pass the time, keep your homies. But if this is supposed to be the man of your life? Well…you can’t act like you’re single unless you don’t mind going back there. I didn’t make the rules. It is what it is…and if it’s not, well then just remember it’s probably not that serious. Really.

lolita

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

6 Responses to dem male friends…strike again…

  1. Tony Stark says:

    I think that oftentimes people forget. One of the most important aspects of a relationship is compromise. And I think part of compromise is making your partner feel comfortable and secure in the relationship. If they are constantly looking over their shoulder at ex as well as potential suitors, things will prolly not work out for the best. Any true freind (particularly of the opposite sex) should understand that there will be a lot less of you to go around.

    • Lolita says:

      Agreed. I’m all for women’s empowerment but I draw the line at stupidity. The male friends need to take a back seat when your man is involved. Nobody wants to share. My rule of thumb is, if he was doing what I was doing, would I be ok with it? If the answer is no (like chillin a lil to hard with his female buddies), then I have to treat him in kind.

      • your rule of thumb is definitely a good place to start but i’d actually take it a step further…i like to actually have the conversation…this helps because i tend to be the one that’s not really concerned what she’s doing, but it gives her the opportunity to tell me all the things that she might see as offensive…with that info i can try to stay in line, eliminate the relationship hypochondriacs and continue to drive around in an un-keyed automobile…

      • Lolita says:

        I’m impressed. You have “the conversation” lol. I admit- I have been known to try to get away with as much as possible, but I’m a changed woman…for now…

  2. Soumynona says:

    “scribbling rapidly in shorthand as if it will be erased before the popquiz” …
    – some like everybody
    – enter the cundrum, all friends to the backseat
    – More side shows like the chics in their pu99y cats
    -Uproar, once you use the space at the bottom
    – Once you have succeeded, you get cut
    – A Failure to launch makes no one comfortable
    – He gets it nice and uncomfortable from the qb, 100 times
    – Don’t act single unless you like it from the back
    – Lolita makes the rules
    Well, how did I do? After reviewing my notes i discovered the following things about this post
    (from my first point on)
    – I agree, there are some people that get along with anyone
    – perhaps I need to read your blog more bc there is some racy stuff on here, nonetheless, I’m down with the backseat
    – Not sure what you meant by this one but it sounds like everyone agrees that we need to hit up a good strip club with your peeps every now and then…no argument there
    – I’m almost too embarassed to respond but I sometimes uproar when I do that. I love the space at the bottom
    – Such is the true conundrum, success of any kind leads to imminent dismissal
    – This one kinda speaks for itself – men should visit the Niagra before IT falls
    – Freaky deaky, I’m not mad at ya’ll. I guess it really ain’t no fun unless….
    – I disagree, I think from the back is an acceptable position no matter your relationship status
    – Tough to argue with that last point =:>

    I love learning

    • Lolita says:

      Hahahaha I didn’t make these rules! got schooled by some one lol. I confess- I’m a male friendy- I have a lot of friends of both sexes. I don’t discriminate! I can admit when i might need to re-evaluate…and i was told to re-evaluate…so i did…and then I wrote a bloggy about it trying to seem advanced…when I may have just learned this info 3 months ago…or less…lol…so I guess

      i love learning 2

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