the new hitch…

In order to keep this athletically slender physique in line, I participate in a number of physical endeavors. One of those happens to be a recreational basketball league where a bunch of never weres compete as if a championship ring were on the line vs the actual prize…an iron on tshirt. Evidently I lucked out and ended up on a pretty good team of never weres as we consistently finish with the best record in our league. But for some reason my team has a winning the championship game allergy as we have yet to win the actual championship despite our usual regular season dominance throughout four consecutive seasons. Who wants that tshirt anyway right…I do damn it but that isn’t what we are here to discuss…

After having to go through this buffalo bills experience once more this past weekend, I returned to the comfy confines of my home to participate in something I never lose at…drinking whiskey on the rocks while facebook stalking people. In a bizarro sports mimic real life moment, I was made aware that the ex boo-thang decided to add the word fiancé to the front of her name over the weekend as well…say word? word…

Now before you start the ‘are you ok’ comments or the ‘here is some random booty to make you feel better’ introductions, it is all good…because similar to my rec league championship virginity being intact, I’m very familiar with sitting in the chair only to get up and have the next man sit down right before the music stops (who doesn’t like a warm chair). This last instance just happens to be another example of my marriage training wheels capabilities.

Instead of focusing on what all of the now happily married past exes have in common (light skint libras…for the more curious ones out there), let’s look at the common denominator in all of the scenarios…me.

As you can tell from my previous posts, my only commitment issues are related to which pair of nike air maxes I’m wearing that day. I also don’t have a problem putting a ring on it as I was once engaged but things didn’t work out so that ring is now a ’62 inch tv sitting in my living room…

So what is it that makes me the head coach at marriage spring training? I’m glad you asked as I came up with a few theories:

+ dating me is so good that once you stop you don’t ever want to have to date again…as much as I wanted to stop here, I realized that a few would have gone the nun route if this was the case…

+ dating me is so bad that the next guy is automatically seen as prince charming…the committee voted and this just didn’t seem plausible given the high number of boonopolis applicants…

+ I’m the john calipari of dating…take talent and get them ready for the big league and eventual hardware (subliminal go bulls message in there) on the next level with their new coach…who are we kidding I’m way too selfish for that role…

+ maybe I should stop dating libras…and given my dislike of being told what not to do I’m going to keep looking for you goddesses of balance and truth…

+ it could all be coincidence and dating me could have nothing to do with your likelihood of getting married immediately following me throwing out your toothbrush…but what can it hurt to try so if you are interested holla at ya boy…

Feel free to make up…I mean submit your own thoughts on why my I can’t win that tshirt or keep an ex from getting married…

onetrik…good luck onetrik

Advertisements

About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: