the pre-crazy assessment…

she probably wasn't...

there you are, standing in the rain…gazing upon your 2009 “stabbin wagon” that has been so thoughtfully redesigned by your ex-boo/current side piece…thanks to this recently cheated on/jilted lover, that sleek fine german engineering has been enhanced by  a few strategically placed long key marks manual racing stripes and your newly acquired moniker that rhymes with tan smore…

and now you’re wondering how did it come to this…of course you didn’t call back when you were suppose to, you weren’t where you said you would be oh…and you jumped double-dutch with their best friends lower extremities…but you never thought he/she would react like this…but you should have…see, extraordinary crazy should never come as a surprise…

now of course we could spend this post attempting to address the root cause (that being your inability to spew truths) but that would be too much like right… instead, let’s spend a little time defining the ways you can tell the bulb is colored crazy before they actually get a chance to hit the switch…

 – past tense crazy…admittedly everyone has a little crazy in them…the key word being “in”…the moment those crazies get a chance to experience life on the outside, it’s damn near impossible to get them to all return home…as you court, you should always be paying special attention to past instances of crazy…and understand that those were probably all practice sessions in preparation for the reign of crazy that will besiege you the moment you wear the wrong color lipstick or forget to return the toilet seat to a sit-able state…

 – quick and constant overreacting…for crazy people, there is no such thing as a small problem or an honest mistake…when they come across a mole hill, they become instantaneous mountain architects and construction firms…if you forgot the butter, you might as well have forgotten the 17 other items on the grocery list…because they will explode on you like taj gibson did on the miami heat last night…i know…gruesome…once again, they may be able to keep the crazies tied up for the first 2 minute mistakes, but come mistake number 3…you are going to be wondering who in the hell left the gate open (i miss that commercial)…if this is how they react when you forget the country crock, just imagine how much worse it gets when they find out you’ve been heating up someone else’s panty-cakes…

 – birds of a feather redecorate cars flock together…if he/she has more than 1 friend-story that involves any type of questionably crazy activities, you should quickly collect your essential belongings, sprint to your vehicle and hang out in the trunk taking very short breaths until the coast is clear…you best believe that if crazy has transpired in the circle of friendship, your potential boo-nopolis at best remained silent while the plan was being hatched but at worst, they were the medulla oblongata that powered the entire scheme…which now means at least one of their friends owes them a cravor (a crazy favor…clever…i know)…

now it’s your turn ubf nation…how else might one get a head start on crazy…don’t you all go at once…

elrock…don’t say i didn’t warn you…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

6 Responses to the pre-crazy assessment…

  1. Marcie says:

    Love that your medulla oblongata gave us “cravor” today…lol

    And yes…I too miss those commercials

  2. Lolita says:

    I admit- one tire slashing and completely reorganized suspension later…once i get through the ridiculous humor that is trademark to elrock…yeah um. Damn Why didn’t you write this BEFORE my insurance hike? Worthy tips. Well played.

  3. point #4 – crazy people always think it is someone else’s responsibility to talk them out of doing crazy ish…

  4. Soumynona says:

    FYI, I will mention the word cravor for the rest of my life so my current pseudonym will be extremely compromised….
    In other news, there is a look, relatively indescribable with words that screams “I’m that crazy chick you should avoid, but my body is both bangin and bangable.” Per experience, these are the people that should be avoided but it’s like a moth to a flame. There are perhaps a few others that I might have to mention on my site out of respect for the sensors

    • sharing…that’s what blog world is all about…although i will say, if you find yourself needing to use cravor too often a quick trip to the dr. phil drive thru might be in order…

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