study long study wrong…

The studious ubf readers are well aware of my stance on lifetime dibs in the dating game and therefore don’t require any pre-reading. For those of you not as well read and needing a refresher, take a quick look at this post

Regardless of my well constructed argument, it seems there are some wet blankets still amongst us holding fast to their rules of not letting you run through…I mean become acquainted with the crew. Given the unlikely chance of these two opposing sides ever agreeing, I’m dedicating the next 17 minutes to solving this once and for all…

The following guidelines will help you determine which member of the crew is most deserving of your best hollerage with out the nasty side effects of choosing the wrong one first and being endlessly male chicken blocked going forward…

Disclaimer: These are specifically targeted at the fellas as I’m pretty sure women do not face this problem on a regular basis…

the game is never won in the first quarter…but it for damn sure can be lost then. It is generally a good idea to wait until you’ve had a chance to see the entire crew before spending all your drink money on the friendliest member. Nothing worse than finding out the fine tendoroni you pulled last night has a finer friend who stayed home to hone her superior fineness…

boyfriend doesn’t equal n/a…the less patient of you may quickly skip over the boo’d up dime piece while the more seasoned gent will take note of the slight messages in her demeanor that imply she has some singledom on layaway. Yes the single 7 is available tonight but you’ll be kicking yourself in two weeks when you see the dime’s relationship status magically disappear on facebook. On the other hand, it takes an even more patient and seasoned vet to wait out a marriage…your call…

a photo finish…your first reaction/impulse can not be trusted when there are so many variables at play…lighting, make-up, wacka flocka music, push-up bras, jack daniels to name a few. Suspending any non-reversible decisions until photo evidence supports your decision is highly recommended…

follow all signs…especially those that tell you to re-draft. No matter how she explains it, a house arrest bracelet in the club is a deal breaker. Scientists have proven that most above average crazy features will surface within 63 minutes of meeting someone. Try not to cash out before then…

now serving ticket #328…the law of averages tells me that selecting a crew member based on her being one of the few not currently being bothered by other gentlemen callers means she is average relative to her crew. See how your selection improves if you simply wait for the unlucky fellow ahead of you to strike out…

it is a work night…and those members of the crew that realize this are more likely to be living a sponsor free lifestyle. This clue when effectively followed will save you from those awkward ‘captain save-a-ho’ moments…

I’m sure there are other principles for choosing Diana Ross from the Supremes so feel free to chime in ubf fam.

onetrik…duck duck goose…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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