extra credit not applicable…

In order to maintain a nutritionally balanced dating life, we realize all readers need to gather povs from various know-it-all bloggers spouting our own versions of words of wisdom over the interwebs. With this being the case, from time to time I take a gander at what other (read as more sober) bloggers have to say on all things coitus-related. The other day I stumbled on to this post from the gents at Single Black Male…

Obviously the picture of the highly attractive Paula P. matching her lovely dress to the loveseat caught my attention, but also one of the bullet points supporting the overall hypothesis of the article proved to be an interesting morsel of ‘you ain’t neva lied’ that I find myself all too familiar with…pretty women don’t have to do extra credit…

Now if you are a pretty female that disagrees with this statement, you are either incorrectly categorizing yourself OR just wrong. Your pick…

Don’t believe me? Let’s dive into this deeper…

The homie mboogie is famous for properly calling out these ladies in the streets that are doing way too much aka reckless behavior. It is safe to say that truly pretty girls (not the she looks aight in dim lighting ones) never ever ever ever eva find themselves in this group of offenders.  The reason being that reckless behavior is almost always caused by being pressed. A female finds herself pressed when she meets what seems to be a good catch material and then feels the need to go above the usual call of duty (or in some cases H.A.M.) to ensure that the good catch is aware of her equally good catch characteristics (no comments on the validity in the equality of these abilities)…

[Insert flaw]

To begin with…tpgs are like those iron-free joints you pay a few extra bucks for at the clothing store. They aren’t ever pressed. They have no need to be pressed. They probably can’t even spell pressed. Or even perform the act of pressing. You see the good catch they just met isn’t unique. As a tpg, they only entertain ‘good-catch-potential-having’ dudes given their tpg status. So the only difference in their world is which day of the week they allow him hold down…

Aside for the fellas: Yes it is no coincidence that you are only pulling Tuesdays and Wednesdays good sir. Sorry for the sudden realization but you haven’t shown enough potential to be upgraded to the weekend yet…

In addition to their familiarity with good catch material, the tpg is never in shortage of acquiring incremental candidates. While some ladies find themselves asking their friends to hook them up, the tpg spends her day fielding offers from all types of men which generally yields 7.3% return on candidates that actually have a chance to make the cut. In short, she is not impacted by the good men recession many spend their days commenting on each other’s facebook walls about. Dating is more like a yogurtland for her. She’s able to taste all the samples until she is truly ready to make a choice and commit…

Aside for the fellas: Yes that means your particular yogurt is no more special than the guy next to you. Just a different flavor. Check your ingredients list if you can’t seem to get past the sampling…  

Now before you tpgs (and self-proclaimed tpgs) run off and think you are now entitled to endless coasting and resting on your tpg laurels alone, you might want to check the fine print. Your lack of pressed-osity makes you exempt from extra credit but it doesn’t preclude you from any and all effort. Unless you are a tptpg (top percentile truly pretty girl) which will always receive exceptions (that one is for you Dania Ramirez if you are reading), you still have to produce the basic requirements (e.g food, hunching, silence during sports…not in that order) or you may find yourself replaced by another tpg as they are no where near an endangered species (especially in the places that matter like NYC and LA)…

I’d ask the tpgs to comment on this but that’d be too much like extra credit. So the mud ducks can have the floor. I kid…

onetrik…it’s only offensive if it’s true…