where there’s smoke…

it starts with that sinking sick sensation in the pit of your stomach…that slight inclination that your mate really wasn’t where they said they were or they weren’t with who they said they would be (yeah…say that 3 times fast)…if you’re one of the lucky ones, then you have no idea what i’m talking about…however, for that other 68% of the population, this post is for you…and hopefully it’s not too late…

the tendency is to stuff that feeling away…to tuck it into the very bottom of your heart where the hard candy, weird lint balls and loose change hang out…and why not…your feelings are obviously unwarranted right…it is perfectly logical that your man accidentally bumped into a clown outside of his office, and that’s how he got that red lipstick-ish stain on his collar…or that your lady goes to a pole dancing class after work everyday and that’s why she must wear her finest undergarments…sure, these are plausible options but one would have to do no more than tug at one of the pre-loosened threads before that entire garment of deception unraveled completely…

but we don’t…we allow those threads to go on undisturbed…then head off into these streets with a net vest pretending it’s one of those expensive sweaters that i like to touch but can’t afford to own…ignoring pleas from your friends and warnings from your gut…until one day, purely by accident, you are exposed to the unadulterated truth…which you knew all along…

i didn’t come here today to deliver my usual “relationships are the devil” diatribe…i know there are couples out there making beautiful music while i walk around with my noise canceling headphones on…but there are some of you out there that are so in love with the idea of building this relationship house that you are unwilling to recognize when the smoke of lies, deceit and disrespect are billowing in through every opening…

you have convinced yourselves that it is somehow better go on pretending like everything is cool…the saddest part is, those around you can already see the issues…they stopped talking to you about them when they realized you were ok with your “relationship lite”…they still talk about it when you’re not around though…probably in the same way the color commentators talk about pam oliver’s hair during commercial breaks…i swear, every time she hits the screen i think there is a beaver molesting a baby bigfoot on her head…

this is, by no means, an invitation to crazy-ville…where phone probing, email hacking and facebook stalking are the favored pastimes…but this is a wake up call for anyone that is sitting across the room from their relationship squinting at it so it looks whole…wasting away precious time while your gardener is out fertilizing the lawns of others…

this is also not my attempt to get all of you ladies to break up with your dudes to improve my odds out here in these sheets…ahem…streets…it is a simple public service announcement to my favorite ubf’ers…it’s not that difficult to appear to be faithful…well…unless you’re not being faithful…if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck then go ahead and put it in a weird little sailor suit and send it down to kissimmee…

elrock…only you can prevent…or at least acknowledge and escape from forest fires…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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