ghost of nonexistent past…

While out celebrating a friend’s birthday with a group of friends, including her current situation, her phone buzzed next to me. She glanced at it and that’s when I saw it- The unmistakable look of wistfulness that can only come from one thing: a lover of the past invading her present.  Knowing this look very well, I raised an eyebrow and she pinched me, showing me the evidence under the table. Busted. It turns out, it was her version of sliding doors- that guy that she had never been in the right time or place for. The missed opportunity. Let’s not get into the reasons why he and she would never be (His girlfriend of ten years then and of five years now, her propensity to live in a million different states, the fact that he can never make up his mind…) and talk about why he still had the power to make her wonder about the ‘what ifs’ in spite of being happily ensconced with Mr. New Booty.

Nostalgia, the human memory’s greatest jedi mind trick. The belief that past people, places and things were better than they really were.  What is it about that blast from the past that makes us so damn stupid? And why do we have a tendency to remember all that was good about that last dude (the one that you hated for months after you broke up with him) and not value what is right in front of our faces? I would like to say I am not a victim of this false recollection of reality, but in fact, I’m one of the biggest offenders. I complained mercilessly to my best friend about what a b—-@ss my ex boyfriend turned out to be. He really was like dating a woman in many ways. Softer than a baby’s butt. But when I met a new guy who fully embodied that “Strong, Silent” type, I began to reminisce about me and my ex watching things like earthquakes and political unrest on CNN and crying together.  Now, in my more lucid moments, I realize there was nothing pretty about us both bawling over something Anderson Cooper just said. And so Nostalgia strikes again, tricky bastard that he is.

In order to prevent our lovely readers from getting caught up in the witchy woman of the shape shifting, history changing past, I’ve come up with a short list of why you don’t want that old thing back after all.

That thing you miss is actually really annoying – Courtney Cox said it best when she mentioned the very things you love about someone are the same things you will be fighting about for years to come.  The  “unique” qualities that draw you to a mate can become very annoying to deal with during day to day interactions. We tend to admire things about someone that we lack. For instance, I’m painfully blunt. I really loved my ex boyfriend’s finesse when handling people… for the first 3 months we dated.  But watching it take him 30 minutes to make a point to someone delicately when it would have taken me 30 seconds quickly went from admirable to freaking annoying. Who has time for all that? Opposites only attract in the beginning. Then you have to learn how to accept all those polar opposite characteristics. Which is much easier said than done, something you seemed to have forgotten already…

The sex is always better when you aren’t getting any –  Perhaps you guys had a great sex life. Maybe that was the glue that held you together. Dry spells and other unfulfilling sex lives make you forget bad behavior quicker than most of us care to admit. Sure, he had a terrible temper and always seemed one butt slap from  channeling Chris Brown, but the sex. Oh yes. The sex. And maybe afterwards she did take advantage of your post coital slumber by going through your phone, facebook, and email, but the sex was completely worth it, right? Really?

There was a reason why it didn’t work out…even if you can’t remember what it was – In addition to changing history and making good things seem better than they were, Nostalgia is great at giving people temporary amnesia. If you have ever found yourself asking, “Hmmm, Why didn’t it work out?” Stop. It’ didn’t because it didn’t. And if you don’t remember than it was either really traumatic or you are more delusional than this post can assist you with. Exes are exes for a reason. That’s all you need to know.

Leave the past where it is…

The grass really isn’t greener on the other side…and it never was.



About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

3 Responses to ghost of nonexistent past…

  1. Soumynona says:

    Well, there goes that seductive message I had planned to send to my ex from hs who facebooked me about 4 months ago. She looks incredibly amazing and she keeps inboxing me little messages like “Is this how our kids would have looked, awwwww” Shyt Lolita, she even sent me a video of her dancing to the Cierra “ride it” song. I mean, it looks like some pretty darn green grass, at least and only if for the sole purpose of &%$#34!!n9th3s6*&^^^^55 (out of respect for your site, I couldn’t say exactly what those symbols represent but you’re a bright Chica perhapsevenhavehadsomecusstheneighboroutsexbefore , I’m sure you can get the picture. But the worst part about this is you are exactly right. The past should stay there. My problem is that I live there too. I need to shore up some of these dangling participles but for some reason obviously the 2nd reason no one ever wants to officially call it quits

    • Lolita says:

      LOVE IT! But i don’t believe you. I think you know better. I think you don’t double dip. You take one chip and then you dip and you don’t dip again. That’s what I think.

  2. Soumynona says:

    Wow, I rarely get called out like that. Impressive. Believe it or not, I do know better … but I don’t always do better. Some dips have just moved away from the chip or the the chips have been trying out other flavors. And while I don’t always act on my dipping urges, I do reminisce like a mugggggg. I think I will express this sentiment on my blog, thanks for the idea!!

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