the holla scale…

The ubf contingency is all about you leaving here with more knowledge than you came with or worst case scenario an 8×10 mental image of one of us in our draws (see what I just did there). So today I’m happy to present you with a small nugget that dawned on me the other day.

I was making the normal trek home from the job to the crib when I passed by a bus stop. At first glance, It appeared this bus stop was no different on this particular day as it featured the same bag lady with not-so-good posture, the guy holding the sign asking for beer contributions and the man that carries two lawn chairs everywhere (no idea why as I’ve never stopped to ask). However, there was actually one minor thing that stuck out to me…a potential dime piece. I say potential because my mind instantly took what would have been a certified 10 in a usual bar/grocery store/swingers meeting scenario and downgraded her to a 7 and a possible. Now I’ll admit it was largely due to my ingrained hatred for public transportation but it lead me to wonder about other times my mind is re-assigning ‘she can get it’ values all willy nilly based on surrounding data.

The following scenarios rose to the top as instances where I automatically adjusted the sensitivities of my holla’dom based on external circumstances:

the job…given my proclivity to pay checks, I tend to err on the side of things that will keep me employed. I feel that working in the same office as someone you date creates a mess that not even those super mega roll bounty napkins can clean up. I also recognize that I’m zero for ever when it comes to marrying a person I’m dating. These conditions make it extremely impossible for someone that stores their chicken salad sammich next to my pb&j to receive an invite from holla’nation. She would have to be on some 13 level stuff on a scale of 1-10 AND I’d have to have 13 copies of a freshly updated resume in the mail to potential new jobs on a Friday…

on the interwebs…my lack of familiarity with photoshop usage does not equate to a lack of understanding the capabilities within the suite of tools. With some (major) editing and the right photo angle, a nickel can change into a dime plus a few pennies. Therefore I limit all interactions started in the digital world to the digital world. It isn’t her I have a problem with, it is the avatar she created to lure me in that bothers me. While my mom says my profile picture is handsome, I don’t know too many dimes adding strangers as friends because of a profile picture and cool name like onetrik…

but the scale doesn’t always slide up…

the club…around the time that my blood alcohol level reads jack daniels, it is fair to say the limited lighting  will take the % of the room in the holla-approved zone from average unemployment rates to average free throw percentage. At that point, it is more a matter of proximity and receptivity than dime-tivity. Pick your spot wisely 5s and try to leave before the lights come on…

different area code…due to tighter TSA guidelines, I’m not able to carry on my selective goggles. Similar to the club experience, timing and location work in the favor of the middle of the scale. It isn’t that they aren’t great people but instead that I don’t have enough time to verify or find someone better…

This phenomenon can’t be limited to just me. Does anyone else find themselves determining holla’ing on a curve?

onetrik…trying to figure out if this is a point for nature or nuture…


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

6 Responses to the holla scale…

  1. Soumynona says:

    Toooooo busy laughing to provide any type of response. That ish was very very very (and I never always use extremes) extremely very funny. Probably bc it is true on many levels. Since I flirt with anyone anywhere, I would throw in a distinction between flirtdom and holladom but you might have covered that in a previous post

  2. Andre says:

    Allow me to ‘splain:

    One can be stiing at church, trying to focus on the message of faith, and the gleam from the sun radiates “just perfectly” and makes the silhouette of the candidate. Said dime is in his/her Sunday’s best and shows the right curves, right amount of makeup- not all caked on like a clown- or for women, the correct posture, smile (with good teeth), physical attributes, and nicely polished shoes. One tries to refocus on the message of the faith- but for some reason that dime stands out within the church walls. One begins praying to his/her deity- but that image of said person continues to press through the prayers. One tries to avoid him/her during the “greet and meet the visitors” but for some reason, Karma pulls them together. One gets mad that Karma would do such a thing- knowing the reprocussions of physical arousal.

  3. Andre says:

    One more thing: or the bigger question?
    Does the value of the dime increase/decrease depending on the location/setting?
    Canadian money =/= United states currency.

    When the potential dime is at the bus stop- surrounded by values less than a nickel, of course the dime would stand out. However, if the dime were next to quarters…

    As I was watching the OKC Thunder v. Memphis Grizz last night, I noticed a potential dime. Now, perhaps in OKC she’s a dime; however, in another state is her currency inflated? Perhaps, she is really only a 6.4, but around several pennies- does that make he/she the dime?

    As a church musician whose happily married, and whose mind is trying to stay on my faith, I see dimes walk in- and respect the value, but then see the same dime at a different location- and the value of the worth is TREMENDOUSLY downgraded.

    Great question… Fan of the site- read every day!

    • thanks for calling out an additional dimension left out of this take on the scale…great analogy to currency…I wouldn’t say that a dime goes up or down the scale based on her location/geography but the value of a dime is definitely influenced by the local…as a former resident of the midwest, I’d say any and all dimes were not only holla’d at but snatched up and usually married in a short amount of time…while now in LA, dimes are so abundant that wifing up doesn’t feel as important…you agree?

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