times to keep it unreal…

I’m a huge fan of telling the truth. But, I’ve burned a lot of bridges over the years under the guise of “Keeping it Real”. The fact is, sometimes it’s better to be dishonest. While the truth may set you free, it also has a tendency to hurt. For this reason, I felt it was my duty to share with you times when lying is not only 100% ok, but encouraged.

How many people have you slept with? – For asking this question alone you deserve to be lied to. My answer to this is usually a non answer, but if you feel so compelled to give an actual live, active, working number, Lie! Unless the answer is none, there is no good way to answer this question. It’s a setup. Don’t fall into the trap.

How do I look? – “Do I look fat?”, “Should I lose some weight?”,  “Do you think I am prettier than her?” There is no good answer to these types of questions …well except one. Lie! Always err on the side of flattery. The more complimentary, the better.

Lies of omission – One of my friends is a sloppy drunk. She embarrasses herself- skirt up, panties exposed, standing on chairs and tables drunk. But at thirty something years old, if she doesn’t know better by now, it’s probably not my job to tell her so long as she doesn’t try to drive that night. Another one of my friends always looks a hot mess. But since she hasn’t asked me (and even if she had), who am I to tell her to go comb her hair? It’s not our job to regurgitate every thought, opinion and suggestion that crosses the mind. Opinions are like ___holes. Everyone’s got one, but nobody asked you.  Why volunteer information that is sure to piss somebody  off?

The sex was great – There are a million and one reasons to fake it. But the number one reason? Sometimes it isn’t worth the trouble of explaining to someone that their hit was a miss. Whether you never plan on going there again anyway or you simply aren’t “up” for the discussion, lying about it ain’t always a bad idea.

He/She isn’t that attractive – When your significant other feels threatened by a man or woman that isn’t stuck behind your LCD screen (i.e. you will see this person in real life), it’s best for you to just say “I don’t find him/her attractive.” That’s pretty much all there is to it. This is a good lie.

Those are my top scenarios where it’s ok to lie. What about our UBF fam- when do you feel your ‘white lies’ get a pass?



About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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